IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

You have a problem with the recently hired employee in your workplace. Write a letter to the HR manager. In your letter Describe the problems in new employee has caused Explain how others employees about the new employee's count Say how you expect that a HR manager to address this situation

#employee #workplace #hr #manager #employees #count #address #situation
Dear Sir or Madam I hope
this
 letter finds you well. I'm writing to bring to your attention a matter of cornering An employee you received a week ago has a phobia of insects, today when he brought the order, he saw a toy model of insects.
Then
 the order he bought falls from his hand. And
then
 our guests left the cafe with sad faces.
Also
, he is not good with other employees of course because of his phobia. He
also
 has a phobia of holes. And
that is
 another reason, he is not a good company too. It is my sincere hope that you will resolve
this
 issue promptly. I am looking forward to your prompt response. Your’s sincerely, Islam
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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structure
Make sure to introduce your letter with a brief introduction that explains the purpose of your communication before diving into the details. This helps to prepare the reader for what is to come and sets a clear context.
coherence
It's beneficial to structure your letter into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a specific aspect of the situation. For example, one paragraph can describe the problems caused, another can explain how other employees feel, and a final one can suggest what action you expect from HR. This structure was somewhat followed but could be more clearly defined.
greeting and closing
Work on your greeting and closing. Start with a more personalized greeting if you know the HR manager's name. Otherwise, 'Dear HR Manager' is more appropriate than 'Dear Sir or Madam'. End with a more professional closing, such as 'Sincerely' or 'Best regards', followed by your name.
task achievement
Ensure that your letter is comprehensive and directly addresses all points requested in the task. Describe the problems clearly, explain others' reactions in more detail, and specify the actions you expect from HR to resolve these issues.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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