Some people think that dangerous sports should be banned, while others think people should be free to choose. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Some argue that harmful
sports
should be restricted, while
others argue that individuals should have their
freedom to choose. Change the word
the
While
others are concern
about the risk of dangerous activities, I believe that people should have Wrong verb form
concerned
their
autonomy to choose the things they want to do.
Change the word
the
To begin
with, harmful sports
can have many risk
in individuals. Participating Change to a plural noun
risks
to
dangerous activities can lead to fatal injuries and death. Even though they are physically and mentally prepared for it, the risk of Change preposition
in
dangers
Fix the agreement mistake
danger
are
high. Change the verb form
is
For instance
, that
continuous jarring of the head from boxing can lead to Correct word choice
apply
debilitatiing
injuries Correct your spelling
debilitating
such
as dementia, epilepsy, and parkinson
. And these are lifetime injuries that cannot be cured. Banning Change the capitalization
Parkinson
such
activity can protect individual
from Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
Correct your spelling
unnecessary
unneccessary
harm
Correct your spelling
unnecessary
On the other hand
, others argue that a person should have their
right to choose the things they want to do even if these choices Change the word
the
involves
Correct subject-verb agreement
involve
these
risks. Many participants engage in dangerous Correct determiner usage
apply
sports
because it gives them a sense of accomplishment. For instance
, those who participate in skydiving feels
a sense of Correct subject-verb agreement
feel
fulfillment
after they finish. They feel victorious because they were able to survive the activity that most people will not do. Change the spelling
fulfilment
Thus
, as long as the participant knows the potential dangers it can cause him, he should be allowed to do anything he wants.
In conclusion, engaging in harmful sports
can have a potential risks
in the lives of individuals. Correct the article-noun agreement
potential risks
a potential risk
However
, I believe that everyone should make their own choices.Submitted by yoko.onerom on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea, followed by supporting details and examples.
coherence cohesion
Link your ideas more explicitly using a range of cohesive devices (e.g., 'furthermore', 'in contrast', 'as a result'). This will enhance the logical flow of your essay.
task achievement
Expand your examples by providing more specific details and evidence. This will strengthen your arguments and make your essay more convincing.
task achievement
Strive for a more balanced discussion of both views before presenting your opinion. This will ensure a complete response to the task.
general
Be mindful of grammatical mistakes and aim for accuracy in your sentences. This will improve the overall clarity and professionalism of your writing.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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