IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

International tourism has become a huge industry in the world. Do the problems of international travel outweigh its advantages?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In recent years, one of the essential
sector
Change to a plural noun
sectors
show examples
 worldwide
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 considered
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
global
tourism
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 I accept that there are some drawbacks
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 international travel, I reckon that there are more positive sides. On the one hand, tourists may cause some issues in the visiting cities
such
Linking Words
 as overcrowding in some areas and not being popular all year round. Visitors usually travel in large groups of about 20-30 people in each group. During the season there can be many groups from different countries.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 overcrowding could lead to
production
Add an article
the production
show examples
 of waste, noise and pollution. The next problem is that
tourism
Use synonyms
 offers only temporary workplaces. Individuals who work in
this
Linking Words
 sphere have to
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 just several months yearly,
hence
Linking Words
 they do not have privileges like sick pay, pension and health care.
However
Linking Words
, I would argue that disadvantages are outweighed by advantages,
such
Linking Words
 as economic development and cultural awareness.
The
Correct article usage
A
show examples
 significant proportion of income is enriched by
tourism
Use synonyms
, since travellers use a huge number of services,
Correct word choice
and transportations
show examples
transportations
Fix the agreement mistake
transportation
show examples
, as well
pay
Correct word choice
as pay
show examples
 taxes.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it helps the population earn money and replenish the country’s budget.
Moreover
Linking Words
, culture can be promoted by tourists.
Traveling
Change the spelling
Travelling
show examples
 provides different kinds of activities, which assist
to get
Change preposition
in getting
show examples
 to know the culture of the country better. As, culture is learned through food, tradition and language. Having visited a certain place and tasted
national
Correct article usage
a national
show examples
 meal, people can get to know the nation better. In conclusion, I strongly believe that the prosperity of
tourism
Use synonyms
 can provide benefits for people on a global scale.
Although
Linking Words
 there are some problems, they are outweighed by advantages.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Introduce both sides of the argument more clearly in your introduction to provide a clear roadmap of what the essay will discuss. This will enhance your task achievement score.
task response
Maintain consistency in your argument by dedicating one paragraph to disadvantages and another to advantages, rather than mixing them. This will improve the logical structure of your essay.
task response
Use more specific examples to support your claims. General statements about tourism's economic benefits and cultural exchange are good, but concrete examples or statistics would strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Try to vary your linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay. Repetitive use of connecting phrases can hinder the overall coherence.
coherence cohesion
Work on paragraphing skills. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences within that paragraph support the main idea. This will aid in making your essay more cohesive.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your conclusion clearly restates your position and summarizes the main points made in the body paragraphs without adding new information.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: