IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

You have seen an advertisement for part-time job at a restaurant and want to apply for it. Write a letter to the manager. In your letter: -describe your experience -tell him why you are interested in the job -say why you think you would be suitable for the job

#advertisement #job #restaurant #manager #-describe #-tell #-say
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Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing
this
 letter to apply for
job
Add an article
a job
the job
show examples
 in
restaurant
Add an article
a restaurant
the restaurant
show examples
.
Moreover
, I
Add a missing verb
am interest
show examples
interest
Replace the word
interested
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to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 working in
this
restaurant
. I have 5 years of experience
as
Change preposition
in
show examples
 cooking. I studied cooking courses for several years. In my opinion, I have enough cooking skills. Because I worked
also
 in other restaurants. I like
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
communication
Replace the word
communicate
show examples
 with many people and I want to have more experience in
hospitality
Add an article
the hospitality
show examples
 industry. I
also
 like to
working
Change the form of the verb
work
show examples
 in restaurants or
cafe
Fix the agreement mistake
cafes
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.
That is
 why
also
 I am very interested in
this
 job.
In addition
, one of my friends
also
 will work in
this
restaurant
. I
with
Correct your spelling
wish
show examples
 my friend very friendly and kind.
That is
 why we want to work in
this
restaurant
.
Besides
Add a comma
Besides,
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 I
also
 like part-time
position
Fix the agreement mistake
positions
show examples
. I have
ability
Change the article
the ability
show examples
 to work under high pressure and strive to provide excellent customer service.
Besides
, I am suitable enough for
this
 profession and I have flexibility in working hours and communication skills with people. I hope you to consider my application and
you
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
hire me. Yours faithfully, Kholmurodov Khamid.
Submitted by soglomovsarvar on

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Structure
Consider using clearer section breaks or paragraphs to organize your letter more effectively, separating your experience, interest, and suitability distinctly.
Grammar
Ensure grammatical accuracy and correct use of verb tenses to enhance clarity and professionalism in your letter.
Flow
Refine your sentence structures for better flow and coherence, ensuring each sentence effectively contributes to your overall message.
Detail
Use more specific examples or details about your experience and skills to strengthen your argument for why you are the best candidate for the job.
Enthusiasm
Your enthusiasm for the role and the industry comes across clearly, which is great for demonstrating interest.
Politeness
Your closing sentence is polite and shows eagerness, which is a good tone to end the letter.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • enthusiastic application
  • hospitality sector
  • culinary arts
  • reliability
  • work under pressure
  • excellent customer service
  • flexibility in working hours
  • eagerness
  • part-time position
  • relevant experience
  • team player
  • communication skills
  • attention to detail
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