IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

We live in a world of technology these days. While the internet brings with it clear advantages, the problems in terms of control and security of information outweigh the advantages. To what extent do you agree?

#world #technology #internet #terms #control #security #information
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the modern
world
, the web online has different advanced services for
people
,
such
 as communication with
people
 around the
world
 via Facebooked and Instagram. Presently, we live in a
world
 of technology and the
internet
 has some benefits for humans.
However
, I believe that the unsafety of the
internet
 is more than the advantages
apply
Verb problem
apply
show examples
,
such
 as using the identity of other
people
 and spoofing by the
internet
. Nowadays,
people
 use the
internet
 around the
world
, but the
internet
 is less secure, especially Facebook, Instagram, and WhatsApp.
Moreover
, most
people
 make a page, but they are using the identity of other
people
.
For example
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
individuals on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Facebook or Instagram have two or three pages
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
 they want to give blackmail money to
people
.
Therefore
, the most common
internet
 problem is non-physical attacks and hacking performed by malicious individuals or groups with the intent of obtaining
people
's information to sell it or to hold their devices and data hostage, demanding compensation to unlock access. In conclusion,
while
 the
internet
 and technology offer undeniable advantages in improving communication, knowledge, and economic opportunities, they
also
 pose significant challenges related to information control, privacy and security. In the future, a network will be a good place where
people
 can safely
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
put their information without any afraid.
Submitted by hsmkashi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
Focus on developing a more structured and logically organized essay. Begin with a clear introduction that outlines your main points. Each body paragraph should focus on a single idea, supported by examples or evidence. Conclude by summarizing your argument and restating your position.
Task Achievement
Expand on your task response by giving a balanced view of both the advantages and disadvantages of the internet, as the question suggests. Ensure that you directly address the prompt by discussing to what extent you agree that the problems outweigh the advantages. Include more specific examples to support your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • global connectivity
  • digital banking
  • cybersecurity
  • data protection
  • security breaches
  • cyber attacks
  • online transactions
  • digital divide
  • surveillance
  • freedom of information
  • responsible usage
  • ethical considerations
  • digital footprints
  • online behavior
  • information inequality
What to do next:
Look at other essays: