We live in a world of technology these days. While the internet brings with it clear advantages, the problems in terms of control and security of information outweigh the advantages. To what extent do you agree?

#world #technology #internet #terms #control #security #information

In the modern

world

, the web online has different advanced services for

people

such

as communication with

people

around the

world

via Facebooked and Instagram. Presently, we live in a

world

of technology and the

internet

has some benefits for humans.

However

, I believe that the unsafety of the

internet

is more than the advantages

apply

Verb problem

apply

show examples

such

as using the identity of other

people

and spoofing by the

internet

. Nowadays,

people

use the

internet

around the

world

, but the

internet

is less secure, especially Facebook, Instagram, and WhatsApp.

Moreover

, most

people

make a page, but they are using the identity of other

people

For example

, most

Change preposition

apply

show examples

individuals on

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

Facebook or Instagram have two or three pages

Change preposition

apply

show examples

this

they want to give blackmail money to

people

Therefore

, the most common

internet

problem is non-physical attacks and hacking performed by malicious individuals or groups with the intent of obtaining

people

's information to sell it or to hold their devices and data hostage, demanding compensation to unlock access. In conclusion,

while

the

internet

and technology offer undeniable advantages in improving communication, knowledge, and economic opportunities, they

also

pose significant challenges related to information control, privacy and security. In the future, a network will be a good place where

people

can safely

and

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

they

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

put their information without any afraid.

Submitted by hsmkashi on Mon Mar 11 2024

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Coherence and Cohesion

Focus on developing a more structured and logically organized essay. Begin with a clear introduction that outlines your main points. Each body paragraph should focus on a single idea, supported by examples or evidence. Conclude by summarizing your argument and restating your position.

Task Achievement

Expand on your task response by giving a balanced view of both the advantages and disadvantages of the internet, as the question suggests. Ensure that you directly address the prompt by discussing to what extent you agree that the problems outweigh the advantages. Include more specific examples to support your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

219 words

<40

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

global connectivity
digital banking
cybersecurity
data protection
security breaches
cyber attacks
online transactions
digital divide
surveillance
freedom of information
responsible usage
ethical considerations
digital footprints
online behavior
information inequality

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We live in a world of technology these days. While the internet brings with it clear advantages, the problems in terms of control and security of information outweigh the advantages. To what extent do you agree?

Fully explain your ideas

Some people think that the government should strictly control the supply of fresh water, while others think we can use as much water as we want. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In education and employment, some people work harder than others. Why do some people work harder? Is it always a good thing to work hard?

Shopping is now one of the most famous forms of leisure activity in many countries for young adults. What is the reason? Is it positive or negative

Some people say it is important to keep your home and your workplace tidy, with everything organised and in the correct place. What is your opinion about this?