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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table shows the proportion of people in England who agree with same-sex marriage from 1989 to 2013.. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table shows the proportion of people in England who agree with same-sex marriage from 1989 to 2013.. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The given table illustrates how many
percentage
Change to a plural noun
percentages
show examples
 of people agreeing with
same-sex
Use synonyms
marriage
Use synonyms
 by
five
Use synonyms
 religious
Fix the agreement mistake
denominations
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denomination
Fix the agreement mistake
denominations
show examples
 in different
five
Use synonyms
 years from 1989 to 2013.
Overall
Linking Words
, there
were
Change the verb form
was
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 a gradual growth
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
same-sex
Use synonyms
marriage
Use synonyms
 agreements during the given period of time. People who claim they have no religion had the highest ratios among the
five
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 those who were
Non-Christian
Correct your spelling
non-Christian
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 made up the
least
Correct word choice
lowest
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 percentage compared to other
groups
Use synonyms
.
According to
Linking Words
 the graph,
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
 of supporting
same-sex
Use synonyms
marriage
Use synonyms
 in 2007
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 between 19% and 64 %, which increased almost four times as much as that in 1989, which from 5% to 20%.
In addition
Linking Words
, no religion showed the highest proportion with 20% in 1989 among the
five
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 other
groups
Use synonyms
 just accounted
from
Change preposition
for
show examples
 5% to 9% in the same year. Moving on to 2013, the number of approving
same-sex
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marriage
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 experienced a continuous upward trend, and over half of people in all
groups
Use synonyms
 except for
Non-Christian
Correct your spelling
non-Christians
show examples
 supported
same-sex
Use synonyms
marriage
Use synonyms
 in 2013.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the proportion of no religion rose to 77% in 2013, which was more than twice as much as that in
Non-Christian
Correct your spelling
non-Christians
show examples
 with 30%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words same-sex, marriage, five, groups with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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