IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The plans below show a public park when it first opened in 1920 and the same park today. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

#plans #show #park #first #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The illustration below depicts information about alters in Grange
Park
 in 1920 and most recently.
Overall
, there were multiple and notable changes to the
park
, including different arrangements, a new shop and updated facilities, making
this
park
 more vibrant and entertaining. To be specific, there used to be two entrances,
while
 now, there is one more underground car
park
 entrance, allowing those who own cars to drive a car there. Above
this
 parking space, a majestic water feature has taken the place of the glasshouse. On Arnold Avenue, to the left of the entrance, one of the three rose gardens has been replaced with a cafe. Another rose garden has been relocated to the area where the fountain used to be, with the original
park
 seat chairs, and the
last
 rose garden is still present in its old location on the right side of the Arnold Avenue entrance.
In addition
, the previous small stage for musicians has been converted into a big-scale amphitheatre for concerts just beside the central function.
Moreover
, the only pond has been filled and turned into a children's playground, which is beside the cafe at present.
Submitted by Chloe on

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coherence cohesion
You have a clear structure and good logical flow, but make sure each paragraph clearly addresses specific changes without blending too many ideas. Consider using more paragraphs to separate ideas clearly.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion summarize the changes well, but you could enhance the effectiveness by stating more distinctly how these changes impact the park's use or its visitors' experience.
coherence cohesion
While you supported main points with specific examples, you can improve by elaborating on the impact or significance of each change. This will add depth to your essay.
task achievement
Your response comprehensively covers the changes in the park. To further improve, include a comparison between the past and present, highlighting not just what changed but how these changes represent an evolution in public park amenities.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear and relevant, providing a comprehensive overview of the park's developments. Enhance your response by discussing potential reasons for the changes or speculating on future developments.
task achievement
You've used specific examples effectively to support your points. Consider expanding on these examples by discussing their implications on the community or park atmosphere.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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