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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the charts below show the proportions of british students at one university in England who were able to speak other languages in addition to English, in 2000 and 2010

the charts below show the proportions of british students at one university in England who were able to speak other languages in addition to English, in 2000 and 2010
The pie charts
illustrates
Change the verb form
illustrate
show examples
 the percentages of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
British
students
Use synonyms
 in England who can speak more than one
language
Use synonyms
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 than English which are French only, German only, Spanish only,
Anther
Correct your spelling
another
show examples
language
Use synonyms
, Two languages, and No other languages in 2000 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that the proportion of
students
Use synonyms
 who can not speak other
Use synonyms
language
Fix the agreement mistake
languages
show examples
 increased over 10 years.
However
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 that can
use
Use synonyms
 Spanish only decreased. According
from
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the charts French speakers slightly increased from 10% in 2000 to 15% in 2010. Meanwhile, German speakers
remain
Wrong verb form
remained
show examples
 the same in 2000 and after 10 years in 2010 still
not
Add a missing verb
did not
show examples
 rise from 2000 which is around
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
10% throughout
past
Correct article usage
the past
show examples
 10 years.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 who can
use
Use synonyms
 Another
language
Use synonyms
rise
Wrong verb form
rose
show examples
form
Correct your spelling
from
show examples
 30% in 2000 to almost 35% in 2010.
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 who can
use
Use synonyms
 Two other languages
also
Linking Words
 rose slightly from 10% in 2000 to 15% in 2010.
Also
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 who can not
use
Use synonyms
 other
Use synonyms
language
Fix the agreement mistake
languages
show examples
 expect English
rise
Fix the infinitive
to rise
show examples
 from 15% in 2000 to around 20% in 2010.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words students, language, use with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • proportions
  • British students
  • university
  • speaking other languages
  • language proficiency
  • overall trends
  • comparison
  • 2000
  • 2010
  • chart
  • data
  • percentage
  • significant
  • increase
  • decrease
  • noteworthy
  • comparative analysis
  • improvement
  • decline
  • conclusion
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