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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops in towns ad cities closing. Do you agree or disagree?

#growth #shops #towns #ad #cities
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In
this
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 day and age, it can not be denied that e-shopping results in every one of the stores in urban areas and cities shut down. Personally, I partly agree with
this
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 statement. In
this
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 essay, I will clarify it. On the one hand, it is undeniable that home shopping comes with its pros, particularly the free-cash zone
as well as
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 the convenience. First of all, it is found to be flexible and versatile when folks do not need to be lined up in crowded retail stores. What's more, individuals can easily look for whatever they need.
For instance
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, ranging from clothes and food to houseware, they all just require
click
Correct article usage
a click
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 away.
Secondly
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, the
free-cash
Correct your spelling
free cash
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 zone that mail orders come with is undeniable. To cite an example, a reseller app is not only performing what individuals need but
also
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 attaches an additional feature that can compare the best price for customers.
Therefore
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,
this
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 is one of the most attractive purchasers access to buy products over the internet sites.
On the other hand
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, it is true to say that retail shops have many advantages, namely guaranteeing your choice and a great way to connect with others. Regarding the first benefit, when people visit physical shops, they can see the items in person.
Thus
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, citizens can make sure about the material,
color
Change the spelling
colour
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, and size.
In addition
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, outfits are already available, so folks do not wait for delivery like home shopping. What's more, if there was something manufactured in your attire, residents can exchange them or even bargain about the price. Another profit that purchasing in person is
also
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 the way to entertain.
In other words
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, when someone
window-shop
Change the verb form
window-shops
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, they can bring their friends so too.
Then
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, the funny gossip,
as well as
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 the shared laugh, perhaps make the day full of beans. In conclusion, the broadening of mail orders can be threatened
to
Change preposition
by
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 stores.
However
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, it
is depending
Wrong verb form
depends
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 a lot on each person about their purpose when shopping.
Submitted by quynhtranhbh on

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Task achievement
Ensure your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Emphasize the thesis statement in the introduction.
Task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points, which helps to make your argument more convincing and comprehensive.
Coherence and cohesion
Aim for a more structured organization of paragraphs. Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence that indicates its main idea.
Coherence and cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices (e.g., furthermore, however, on the other hand) to better link your ideas and paragraphs.
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