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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The table below shows the participation of people over 15 in selected sports and physical recreation activities by gender in Australia during peroid 2011-12.

The table below shows the participation of people over 15 in selected sports and physical recreation activities by gender in Australia during peroid 2011-12.
#participation #people #sports #recreation #activities #gender #australia #peroid
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The information about participation in physical
excercises
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exercises
exercise
 and selected games by men and women of Australia above 15
years
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 of
age
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 during the period 2011-2012 is depicted by the given bar graph. The information is calibrated in the form of percentages.
Overall
Linking Words
, the most striking feature of the given chart is that females
of
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between
show examples
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the age
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age
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ages
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between
Change preposition
of
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 25
years
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 to 64
years
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 are more interested in athletic games,
while
Linking Words
males
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 of these
age
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 groups are lagging motivation in staying fit.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, 65 and over is the only
age
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 group where men and women were competing in terms of fitness. Taking a cursory glance, it can be clearly manifested that young
males
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 between 15 to 24
years
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 old with
percentage
Correct article usage
a percentage
show examples
52.8
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of 52.8
show examples
% were
excercising
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exercising
actively
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more actively
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 than 25-34
years
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 old
males
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 whose
excercising
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exercising
 proportion was only 42.2%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, coincidently around 47.4% was the same figure for young and old females who showed equal
interests
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interest
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 in sports
whereas
Linking Words
 men between 25 to 34
years
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 and 45 to 54
years
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 were
also
Linking Words
 equally interested in daily fitness with
percentage
Correct article usage
a percentage
show examples
 nearly equal to 42.7%. Moving to
further
Linking Words
 details, 48.9%
adult
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of adult
show examples
 females between 25-34
years
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 old were seen taking part in National sports.
Apart from
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, approximately 52.8%
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males
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of males
show examples
lying
Verb problem
apply
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between 35
years
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 to 65
years
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 had shown
remarkable
Correct article usage
a remarkable
show examples
 interest in physical fitness than their counterparts. Strikingly, a considerable difference of around 5.6 % can be noticed between
males
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 of 55-64
years
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 and 35-44
years
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 who were engaged in sports activities.
Submitted by navkiranji on

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words years, age, males with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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