The line chart below shows the percentage of of people in different age groups who played video games more than ten hours a week between 1984 and 2003
The provided line
graph
depicts the amount of people spending time
playing video games
in different age groups, more than ten hours
in seven days in the year between 1984 and 2003. The graph
was given into hours
and can be slipped into two groups, upward and downward trends. It is obvious to see
that the Verb problem
apply
age
of 16-24 spent a lot of their Fix the agreement mistake
ages
time
playing games
, elderly were
the lowest data interest in computer Verb problem
had
games
.
First of all, the video game is one of the most common things that people love to spend time
with from 1984 to 2003. Starting with the upward trend, kids who are 16- 24 years
old tend to spend most of their leisure time
on games
, beginning at 40 in the year of
2010 and surging up to the highest point above 70 Change preposition
apply
hours
per week. Furthermore
, the next range was the 25-44 years
old, the age of 25 stood at the same position as the previous generation, the graph
went down for three years
to above 30 hours
, then
rebounded up to merely 50 at the end
of the record. Moreover
, the next generation of users was 45-54 years
old, beginning with over 50 and plummeting in 2011 then
drove up till the end at around the same level as the beginning. In addition
, the two generations of 55-64 and 75+ witnessed the lower level at roughly 10 to 15, the data for 55 years
old
slowly climbed up to 30 in 2013, and Correct word choice
apply
then
the line sank down to more than 10. Lastly
, the elderly graph
was quite
fluctuated Verb problem
apply
from
10 and increased for a moment,Rephrase
slightly from
a
mere 20. Change preposition
to a
Then
slowly go down and bounce back to finish at 20.Submitted by piasnatcha09 on
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words graph, time, games, hours, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trends" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "went down" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slowly" was used 2 times.
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