The line chart below shows the percentage of of people in different age groups who played video games more than ten hours a week between 1984 and 2003

The line chart below shows the percentage of of people in different age groups who played video games more than ten hours a week between 1984 and 2003
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The provided line
graph
Use synonyms
depicts the amount of people spending
time
Use synonyms
playing video
games
Use synonyms
in different age groups, more than ten
hours
Use synonyms
in seven days in the year between 1984 and 2003. The
graph
Use synonyms
was given into
hours
Use synonyms
and can be slipped into two groups, upward and downward trends. It is obvious
to see
Verb problem
apply
show examples
that the
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
of 16-24 spent a lot of their
time
Use synonyms
playing
games
Use synonyms
, elderly
were
Verb problem
had
show examples
the lowest data interest in computer
games
Use synonyms
. First of all, the video game is one of the most common things that people love to spend
time
Use synonyms
with from 1984 to 2003. Starting with the upward trend, kids who are 16- 24
years
Use synonyms
old tend to spend most of their leisure
time
Use synonyms
on
games
Use synonyms
, beginning at 40 in the year
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2010 and surging up to the highest point above 70
hours
Use synonyms
per week.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the next range was the 25-44
years
Use synonyms
old, the age of 25 stood at the same position as the previous generation, the
graph
Use synonyms
went down for three
years
Use synonyms
to above 30
hours
Use synonyms
,
then
Linking Words
rebounded up to merely 50
at the end
Linking Words
of the record.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the next generation of users was 45-54
years
Use synonyms
old, beginning with over 50 and plummeting in 2011
then
Linking Words
drove up till the end at around the same level as the beginning.
In addition
Linking Words
, the two generations of 55-64 and 75+ witnessed the lower level at roughly 10 to 15, the data for 55
years
Use synonyms
old
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
slowly climbed up to 30 in 2013, and
then
Linking Words
the line sank down to more than 10.
Lastly
Linking Words
, the elderly
graph
Use synonyms
was quite
Verb problem
apply
show examples
fluctuated
from
Rephrase
slightly from
show examples
10 and increased for a moment,
a
Change preposition
to a
show examples
mere 20.
Then
Linking Words
slowly go down and bounce back to finish at 20.
Submitted by piasnatcha09 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
Vocabulary: Replace the words graph, time, games, hours, years with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "trends" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "went down" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "slowly" was used 2 times.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • fluctuate
  • trend
  • percentage
  • age group
  • consistent
  • significant
  • decline
  • increase
  • peak
  • plateau
  • demographic
  • upward trend
  • downward trend
  • proportion
  • level off
  • escalate
  • diminish
  • interval
  • duration
  • prevalence
  • participation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: