The line chart below shows the percentage of of people in different age groups who played video games more than ten hours a week between 1984 and 2003

The line chart below shows the percentage of of people in different age groups who played video games more than ten hours a week between 1984 and 2003
The provided line
graph
depicts the amount of people spending
time
playing video
games
in different age groups, more than ten
hours
in seven days in the year between 1984 and 2003. The
graph
was given into
hours
and can be slipped into two groups, upward and downward trends. It is obvious
to see
Verb problem
apply
show examples
that the
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
of 16-24 spent a lot of their
time
playing
games
, elderly
were
Verb problem
had
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the lowest data interest in computer
games
. First of all, the video game is one of the most common things that people love to spend
time
with from 1984 to 2003. Starting with the upward trend, kids who are 16- 24
years
old tend to spend most of their leisure
time
on
games
, beginning at 40 in the year
of
Change preposition
apply
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2010 and surging up to the highest point above 70
hours
per week.
Furthermore
, the next range was the 25-44
years
old, the age of 25 stood at the same position as the previous generation, the
graph
went down for three
years
to above 30
hours
,
then
rebounded up to merely 50
at the end
of the record.
Moreover
, the next generation of users was 45-54
years
old, beginning with over 50 and plummeting in 2011
then
drove up till the end at around the same level as the beginning.
In addition
, the two generations of 55-64 and 75+ witnessed the lower level at roughly 10 to 15, the data for 55
years
old
Correct word choice
apply
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slowly climbed up to 30 in 2013, and
then
the line sank down to more than 10.
Lastly
, the elderly
graph
was quite
Verb problem
apply
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fluctuated
from
Rephrase
slightly from
show examples
10 and increased for a moment,
a
Change preposition
to a
show examples
mere 20.
Then
slowly go down and bounce back to finish at 20.
Submitted by piasnatcha09 on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
Vocabulary: Replace the words graph, time, games, hours, years with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "trends" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "went down" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "slowly" was used 2 times.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • fluctuate
  • trend
  • percentage
  • age group
  • consistent
  • significant
  • decline
  • increase
  • peak
  • plateau
  • demographic
  • upward trend
  • downward trend
  • proportion
  • level off
  • escalate
  • diminish
  • interval
  • duration
  • prevalence
  • participation
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