IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8.5

You are going to another country to study. you would like to do a part-time job while you are studying , so you want to ask a friend who lives there for some help. write a letter to this friend. give details of your study plans explain why you want to get a part time job suggest how your friend could help you to find a job

#country #study #job #friend #lives #help #plans #part #time
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Dear Rahul, I am writing
this
 letter to inform you about my study in Canada
that is
 going to start in the following month. I have decided to get my
further
 education in Surrey and, I took a full-time computer course that would help me to reach my goal in the future. The course will
last
 for 2 years and, will provide me the opportunities to explore new things in
this
 particular field.
Furthermore
, I would appreciate it if you could find me part-time work with my studies. It will help me with my finances and, of course, will enhance my skills
such
 as work.
Moreover
, I will send my location where I will be staying so
this
 would be easy for you to find a job nearby.
Additionally
, I will email my resume that you can distribute to the stores that are hiring right now. I hope you will get in touch as soon as possible. I am looking forward to getting your response and, thank you for giving me your precious time. Your lovingly, Talwinder Singh Dhillon
Submitted by sandhuarsh1320 on

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Logical Structure
Ensure a clear introduction, body, and conclusion in your writing. You've done well in structuring your letter, but always revisiting the organization of your ideas can make your message even clearer.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use a variety of linking words to connect your sentences and paragraphs better. Although you've managed this to a certain extent, incorporating more could enhance the readability of your letter.
Single Idea per Paragraph
Your paragraphs are well-organized around single ideas. To improve, consider developing your ideas further with more detailed examples or explanations.
Complete Response
You've successfully covered all the tasks mentioned in the prompt with appropriate tone and details. To further improve, consider adding more personal touches or detailed examples to make your letter more engaging.
Suitable Writing Tone
The tone of your letter is well-suited for the context. You might want to add more variety in sentence structures to make your writing more dynamic.
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