Some people think mobile (cell) phones should be banned in public places such as libraries, shops and public transport. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #cell #phones #places #libraries #shops #transport

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It is argued that there is a sentiment to restrict the use their mobile

phones

Use synonyms

in public areas.

However

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, I completely disagree with that notion for several reasons, which will be discussed in

this

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essay.

To begin

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with, mobile

phones

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already become

inseperable

Correct your spelling

inseparable

from essential tasks in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

public places.

People

Use synonyms

now are using their

phones

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to conduct transactions

such

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purchase

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purchases

show examples

and payments, leading to time savings and increased efficiency. Obviously, banning the usage of them creates inconveniences and delays for both

people

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and businesses.

For example

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, to avoid longer

queue

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queues

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at the ticketing booth, the

Japanesse

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Japanese

government

launches

Wrong verb form

launched

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a barcode entry system for those who purchase the ticket via their mobile

phones

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, which

consequently

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makes everyone quickly enter the public areas. A similar trend is

also

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applied by the Korean government

who

Correct pronoun usage

which

show examples

decides

Wrong verb form

decided

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to install a mobile digital payment scheme

Change preposition

for

show examples

their

Correct pronoun usage

apply

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all public

transportations

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transportation

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in order to save

the

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apply

show examples

time for passengers and drivers.

Furthermore

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, restricting smartphones in public places can make

people

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disorient

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disoriented

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That is

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applicable

especially

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, especially

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for solo

travelers

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travellers

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who cannot speak the local language.

For instance

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, Dhimas Ramadhan, an Indonesian tourist travelling

Japan

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to Japan

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for the first time, relied solely on his mobile phone

for

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apply

show examples

24/7 to navigate the routes on his

three days

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three-day

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trip. Without the sophisticated invention of Google Maps, he might get lost

while

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exploring local libraries, parks, or restaurants.

To conclude

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while

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the rising opinion to prohibit mobile

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phones

Change the noun form

phone

show examples

usage in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

public places

remain

Correct subject-verb agreement

remains

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strong, I strongly

disgaree

Correct your spelling

disagree

with the idea because they have been integral to

perform

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performing

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essential actions recently and

Correct pronoun usage

they

show examples

can disorient

people

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during their

trip

Fix the agreement mistake

trips

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

unfamiliar surroundings.

Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on Thu Mar 14 2024

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Task Achievement

To improve Task Achievement, ensure that your essay fully addresses all parts of the task. You should provide a balanced consideration of the topic by examining both sides before stating your opinion. More clearly state your thesis in the introduction and summarize your key points more definitively in the conclusion.

Coherence and Cohesion

To enhance Coherence and Cohesion, consider varying your sentence structures and using a wider range of linking words to better connect your ideas. While your essay has a good flow, greater lexical variety can make your arguments even more compelling.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
26
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

272 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

indispensable
disturbances
restrictions
justified
distraction
outright bans
zones
silent modes
communication
emergency situations
hindering
implementing
policy
respect
consideration
personal responsibility
blanket regulations
social etiquette
evolving norms
acceptable behavior

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