IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think mobile (cell) phones should be banned in public places such as libraries, shops and public transport. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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It is argued that there is a sentiment to restrict the use their mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 in public areas.
However
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, I completely disagree with that notion for several reasons, which will be discussed in
this
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 essay.
To begin
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 with, mobile
phones
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 already become
inseperable
Correct your spelling
inseparable
 from essential tasks in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public places.
People
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 now are using their
phones
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 to conduct transactions
such
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 as
purchase
Fix the agreement mistake
purchases
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 and payments, leading to time savings and increased efficiency. Obviously, banning the usage of them creates inconveniences and delays for both
people
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 and businesses.
For example
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, to avoid longer
queue
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queues
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 at the ticketing booth, the
Japanesse
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Japanese
 government
launches
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launched
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 a barcode entry system for those who purchase the ticket via their mobile
phones
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, which
consequently
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 makes everyone quickly enter the public areas. A similar trend is
also
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 applied by the Korean government
who
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which
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decides
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decided
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 to install a mobile digital payment scheme
to
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for
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their
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apply
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all public
transportations
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transportation
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 in order to save
the
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apply
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time for passengers and drivers.
Furthermore
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, restricting smartphones in public places can make
people
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disorient
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disoriented
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.
That is
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 applicable
especially
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, especially
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 for solo
travelers
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travellers
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 who cannot speak the local language.
For instance
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, Dhimas Ramadhan, an Indonesian tourist travelling
Japan
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to Japan
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 for the first time, relied solely on his mobile phone
for
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apply
show examples
24/7 to navigate the routes on his
three days
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three-day
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 trip. Without the sophisticated invention of Google Maps, he might get lost
while
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 exploring local libraries, parks, or restaurants.
To conclude
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,
while
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 the rising opinion to prohibit mobile
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phones
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phone
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 usage in
the
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apply
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public places
remain
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remains
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 strong, I strongly
disgaree
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disagree
 with the idea because they have been integral to
perform
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performing
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 essential actions recently and
it
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they
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 can disorient
people
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 during their
trip
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trips
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in
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to
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 unfamiliar surroundings.

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Task Achievement
To improve Task Achievement, ensure that your essay fully addresses all parts of the task. You should provide a balanced consideration of the topic by examining both sides before stating your opinion. More clearly state your thesis in the introduction and summarize your key points more definitively in the conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance Coherence and Cohesion, consider varying your sentence structures and using a wider range of linking words to better connect your ideas. While your essay has a good flow, greater lexical variety can make your arguments even more compelling.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • indispensable
  • disturbances
  • restrictions
  • justified
  • distraction
  • outright bans
  • zones
  • silent modes
  • communication
  • emergency situations
  • hindering
  • implementing
  • policy
  • respect
  • consideration
  • personal responsibility
  • blanket regulations
  • social etiquette
  • evolving norms
  • acceptable behavior
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