Some people think mobile (cell) phones should be banned in public places such as libraries, shops and public transport. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
It is argued that there is a sentiment to restrict the use their mobile
phones
in public areas. However
, I completely disagree with that notion for several reasons, which will be discussed in this
essay.
To begin
with, mobile phones
already become inseperable
from essential tasks in Correct your spelling
inseparable
the
public places. Correct article usage
apply
People
now are using their phones
to conduct transactions such
as purchase
and payments, leading to time savings and increased efficiency. Obviously, banning the usage of them creates inconveniences and delays for both Fix the agreement mistake
purchases
people
and businesses. For example
, to avoid longer queue
at the ticketing booth, the Fix the agreement mistake
queues
Japanesse
government Correct your spelling
Japanese
launches
a barcode entry system for those who purchase the ticket via their mobile Wrong verb form
launched
phones
, which consequently
makes everyone quickly enter the public areas. A similar trend is also
applied by the Korean government who
Correct pronoun usage
which
decides
to install a mobile digital payment scheme Wrong verb form
decided
to
Change preposition
for
their
all public Correct pronoun usage
apply
transportations
in order to save Fix the agreement mistake
transportation
the
time for passengers and drivers.
Correct article usage
apply
Furthermore
, restricting smartphones in public places can make people
disorient
. Wrong verb form
disoriented
That is
applicable especially
for solo Add the comma(s)
, especially
travelers
who cannot speak the local language. Change the spelling
travellers
For instance
, Dhimas Ramadhan, an Indonesian tourist travelling Japan
for the first time, relied solely on his mobile phone Change preposition
to Japan
for
24/7 to navigate the routes on his Change preposition
apply
three days
trip. Without the sophisticated invention of Google Maps, he might get lost Correct your spelling
three-day
while
exploring local libraries, parks, or restaurants.
To conclude
, while
the rising opinion to prohibit mobile phones
usage in Change the noun form
phone
the
public places Correct article usage
apply
remain
strong, I strongly Correct subject-verb agreement
remains
disgaree
with the idea because they have been integral to Correct your spelling
disagree
perform
essential actions recently and Wrong verb form
performing
it
can disorient Correct pronoun usage
they
people
during their trip
Fix the agreement mistake
trips
in
unfamiliar surroundings.Change preposition
to
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Task Achievement
To improve Task Achievement, ensure that your essay fully addresses all parts of the task. You should provide a balanced consideration of the topic by examining both sides before stating your opinion. More clearly state your thesis in the introduction and summarize your key points more definitively in the conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance Coherence and Cohesion, consider varying your sentence structures and using a wider range of linking words to better connect your ideas. While your essay has a good flow, greater lexical variety can make your arguments even more compelling.