Due to so many young people dropping out of schools, the rate of unemployment is increasing, and it affects our society in different ways. In your opinion, how can this situation be improved?
Nowadays, many youngsters are
being dropped
out Wrong verb form
dropping
from
school because of many excuses, Change preposition
of
as
a result, there is an increase in the number of jobless Correct word choice
and as
and
Correct word choice
which
bring
detrimental Verb problem
has
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
to
our society. Change preposition
on
This
sitution
can be improved by enforcing strict Correct your spelling
situation
regulation
related to Fix the agreement mistake
regulations
the
Correct article usage
apply
compulsary
education up to a certain age limit regardless Correct your spelling
compulsory
the
Change preposition
of the
background
of problematic students
and providing financial assistance to students
from poor economy
Replace the word
economic
background
.
One of the excuses why the Fix the agreement mistake
backgrounds
students
are dropped out is when they are involved in commiting
a crime called juvenile delinquency. Following up on that reason, the Correct your spelling
committing
students
will be given punishment like being imprisoned. However
, government
can facilitate them by givingAdd an article
the government
a
proper education Correct pronoun usage
them a
as well as
rehabilition
in the same place and time. Correct your spelling
rehabilitation
Thus
, once they are released, they will be well-educated individuals and it is obviously such
Correct quantifier usage
apply
a
best way to reduce their possibility Correct article usage
the
to commit
the same crime.
Another reason Change preposition
of committing
of
dropping out is related to the high cost of education itself. Change preposition
for
For those
coming from Change preposition
Those
poor
Add an article
the poor
economy
Replace the word
economic
background
, they will face difficulty Fix the agreement mistake
backgrounds
to pay
tuition Change preposition
in paying
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
while
they need to struggle to fullfill
their staple Correct your spelling
fulfil
necessary
. Replace the word
necessities
Bad
news, many schools do not tolerate Correct article usage
The bad
this
excuse and will automatically drop out those who cannot pay the fee. Government
need to help them by giving them financial assistance primarily for tuition Correct article usage
The government
fee
.
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
To conclude
, everyone has the same right of being
educated Change preposition
to be
from
school, and Change preposition
at
government
can help them with several actions tailored to the Correct article usage
the government
background
of their problem.Submitted by misstiasclassroom on
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task response
To improve task response, ensure that your essay directly addresses every aspect of the prompt. Be clear about your opinions and support them with more diverse and detailed examples. Consider including counter-arguments and refutations to show a thorough understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, work on seamlessly connecting your ideas. Use a variety of linking phrases beyond the basics and ensure paragraphs flow logically. It can be helpful to outline your essay before writing to guarantee a logical progression of ideas.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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