IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The two pie charts provide information about boys and girls’ participation rates in various activities after the survey.

The two pie charts provide information about boys and girls’ participation rates in various activities after the survey.
#two #information #boys #girls’ #participation #rates #activities #survey
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The two pie charts present data about the participation rates of
boys
Change noun form
boys'
boy's
show examples
 and girls’ cultural and leisure activities.
Overall
Linking Words
, there are six
differnt acticities
Correct your spelling
different activities
 of both
gender
Fix the agreement mistake
genders
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 and only three of them are
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 computer games, reading and listening
music
Change preposition
to music
show examples
. It is clear to
seen
Change the form of the verb
see
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,
computer
Correct word choice
that computer
show examples
 games
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 the most popular
activity
Use synonyms
 of boys which has 34%.
Then
Linking Words
 basketball is quite popular too, which
has
Verb problem
is
show examples
 26%. The third popular
activity
Use synonyms
 of boys is soccer which
has
Verb problem
is
show examples
 17%.
Also
Linking Words
, skateboarding and listening
music
Change preposition
to music
show examples
 are
similar
Change the adjective
similarly
show examples
 popular, that hold 11%
and10
Correct your spelling
and 10
%. The lack
attractivity
Change preposition
of attractivity
show examples
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is reading which only
get
Correct subject-verb agreement
gets
show examples
 2%.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 hand, the most popular
activity
Use synonyms
 of girls is dancing, which grad 27%. Reading is the second
popular
Correct quantifier usage
most popular
show examples
activity
Use synonyms
 which
hold
Change the verb form
holds
show examples
 21%.
Then
Linking Words
 computer games and netball both attract 16% and 15% of girls. There
Unnecessary verb
apply
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are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
11% and 10 % of girls
Correct pronoun usage
who choose
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choose
Correct pronoun usage
who choose
show examples
 the
last
Linking Words
 two
acticities
Correct your spelling
activities
 which are gymnastics and listening
Change preposition
to music
show examples
music
Change preposition
to music
show examples
.
Submitted by fran60825 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words activity with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • participation rates
  • survey
  • comparison
  • popularity
  • activities
  • gender-specific
  • predominantly
  • societal factors
  • psychological factors
  • development
  • teamwork
  • physical health
  • cognitive skills
  • educational policies
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