IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

You have recently returned from an afternoon at your public library, and noticed various negative aspects that could be improved upon. Write a letter to the manager of the public library. In your letter: Describe the poor experience you had Include ideas for what the library should change Explain why you feel the library needs alteration Write at least 150 words. You do NOT need to write any addresses. Begin your letter as follows: To Whom This May Concern,

#afternoon #library #aspects #manager #change #alteration #addresses #concern
I'm writing
this
 letter regarding several negative things in the public
library
 that I suspected.
Firstly
, I noticed that the lighting at night in the
library
 is inadequate making it difficult to do any activity in the
library
. I have not come here in the evening for the past 3 weeks until now, I figured
this
 just
happen
Wrong verb form
happened
show examples
 recently. Please keep your attention
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the building maintenance
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 to the lighting, I recommend you
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
change the lights to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
LED
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
 since it is durable and environmentally friendly as well!
Secondly
, it will be great if you tighten the regulations to keep down the noise. I was reading in the
quite
Correct your spelling
quiet
show examples
romm
Correct your spelling
room
 and a lot of
people
 in the
library
do
Wrong verb form
did
show examples
 not care about their voice, I politely alerted them and they still did the same thing, it is highly distracting and not conducive to studying or reading.
Lately
Add a comma
Lately,
show examples
this
 problem
becomes
Wrong verb form
has become
show examples
 more concerning, I personally feel like you need tough security to address
this
 concern to the person right away. In order to keep
people
 coming to
this
library
, you should
do
Verb problem
make
show examples
 some
improvement
Fix the agreement mistake
improvements
show examples
 in the regulations and
also
 in maintenance. I'm afraid if everything has no advancement,
people
 will stop coming to the
library
.
Especially
Rephrase
In particular
show examples
techonolgy
Correct your spelling
technology
 is growing rapidly,
people
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 just find resources
from
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 and they do not need
library
Correct article usage
a library
show examples
 anymore. And
library
Add an article
the library
show examples
 will have no appeal for
people
 to come. I hope you understand my concerns and take what I write into consideration. Thank you for your attention! Sincerely,
Submitted by evelynsuwandi2 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph contains a single, clear idea for improved readability and coherence. While your letter generally follows this principle, refining and focusing each paragraph's main point could further strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Though your response overall addresses the task well, providing specific examples or personal experiences to support your suggestions could enhance the task achievement score. For instance, mentioning a specific incident due to poor lighting or disruptive noise can make your argument more convincing.
task achievement
Maintaining a formal tone throughout the letter is crucial in writing to a manager. Your letter mostly achieves this, but be mindful of using contractions and informal language, as they are less suitable for formal letters. Opt for 'do not' instead of 'don't', 'it is' instead of 'it's', etc.

The Greeting

Depending on the style and aim of the letter, you will need to adapt your greeting.

Always start an informal letter in the ways:

  • Dear + name
  • Hi / Hello + name

‘Dear...’ is more appropriate, so stick with this.

For a formal letter there are two options for the greeting:

  • Use Dear Sir or Madam if you don’t know the name of the person you are writing to.
  • Use Dear + surname if you do know their name, e.g. Dear Mr Smith or Dear Mrs Jones.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cleanliness
  • inadequate
  • conducive
  • soundproofing
  • ambiance
  • themed areas
  • maintenance
  • feedback sessions
  • customer service
  • state-of-the-art
What to do next:
Look at other essays: