recently, Australian children became fat. people claim it is schools responsibility to look after children health and exercise time. To what extent do you agree or disagree??

#australian #children #people #schools #responsibility #health #exercise #time

Australian kids are becoming obese, and the question of whether academic institutes are completely responsible for their student well-being has sparked considerable debate.

While

many champion

this

, because kids spend most of their time in the classroom and daily exercise is supposed to be part of the

school

curriculum, others argue against it.

However

, I firmly agree with the former view. Analyzing these facts would give a comprehensive overview of

this

subject matter.

Firstly

, kids spend more than eighty per cent of their time inside the four walls of

school

, which would ensure that any

sports

routine implemented in

school

would be effective.

For instance

, I have always been overweight all my life, thanks to regular friendly football matches with other schools helping me keep fit, enabling me to escape obesity. Clearly,

this

can only be achieved if schools take responsibility for exercise routines.

Therefore

this

makes it clear that keeping Australian teens healthy is the sole responsibility of the

school

Secondly

, by law,

sports

are part of the educational schedule,

hence

, should be implemented in the same way other subjects are enforced.

For example

, the results from the just recently completed capstone project

shows

Change the verb form

show

show examples

that most primary schools do not enforce

sports

education weekly, which is mandated by

Enugu

Correct article usage

the Enugu

show examples

State

School

Board. Obviously, Australian teens are becoming overweight

due to

this

Hence

, one of the reasons why students have healthy lifestyles is the teacher's duty. In conclusion, the argument that academic institutions are solely responsible for their student's health and well-being has prompted a substantial dispute. Many advocate for

this

since they spend the majority of their time in

school

as well as

sports

being a mandatory course,

whereas

others argue against

this

idea. I completely support the former perspective. Examining

this

factuality has proved that

school

is responsible for the student's well-being.

Submitted by Eby on Thu Mar 14 2024

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Task Achievement

To enhance task response, ensure that your argument covers a broader perspective beyond personal experience and mentions. While personal experience can enrich your essay, it should not serve as the primary foundation of your argument. Consider incorporating statistics, research findings, or diverse examples to provide a balanced and comprehensive view on the topic.

Coherence and Cohesion

Increase the coherence of your essay by improving transitions between paragraphs and sentences. Use a variety of linking phrases to guide the reader through your argument, making the flow of ideas smoother and more logical.

Coherence and Cohesion

To better support your main points, include more detailed examples and evidence that apply to a wider audience. Developing your arguments with more depth will make your essay more persuasive and informative.

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

304 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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recently, Australian children became fat. people claim it is schools responsibility to look after children health and exercise time. To what extent do you agree or disagree??

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people say that at all levels of education, from primary school to university, too much time is spent on learning facts and not enough on learning practical skills. Do you agree or disagree? Read my sample answer here. Reported on IELTS October 5th

Doing an enjoyable activity with a child can develop better skills and more creativity than reading. To what extent do you agree? Use reasons and specific examples to explain your answer.

Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve the growing traffic and pollution problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement?

In many countries, the proportion of older people is steadily increasing. Does this trend have positive or negative effects on society?

Some people think that the main purpose of schools is to turn children into good citizens and workers, rather to benefit them as individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?