Many people nowadays live in societies where consumer goods are relatively cheap Do you thing the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?
Nowadays, many
people
choose do
not Unnecessary verb
apply
spend
money Fix the infinitive
to spend
in
expensive consumer Change preposition
on
goods
in their societies live
. I Verb problem
apply
belive
that there are more Correct your spelling
believe
benifits
than backdraws of Correct your spelling
benefits
this
topic, there is my opinion below.
Firstly
, there are some stuffs
as clothes or bags Change the wording
stuff
kinds of stuff
pieces of stuff
cost
Correct pronoun usage
that cost
high
Correct article usage
a high
price
due to
the ingredients made by animals such
as flu. Some people
choose to buy these types of goods
,
because these Remove the comma
apply
goods
make them looks
richer and Correct subject-verb agreement
look
in
a higher level than other normal Change preposition
at
people
. But this
choice damages other lives which may also
impect
the earth. Correct your spelling
affect
Secondly
, buying items
in store normally charge
Correct subject-verb agreement
charges
higher
Add an article
a higher
price
than buying online, because store
Fix the agreement mistake
stores
need
spend more money on rental or Add the particle
need to
satff's
salary.
Correct your spelling
staff's
On the other hand
, there are more and more items
what
Correct word choice
that
designer
Fix the agreement mistake
designers
made
by Wrong verb form
make
recycle
Wrong verb form
recycled
ingredents
as plastic Correct your spelling
ingredients
bottol
, glass and Correct your spelling
bottles
bottle
can
. The function is Correct subject-verb agreement
cans
same
with the stuff which is not made by Correct article usage
the same
recycle
Wrong verb form
recycled
ingredents
, but the Correct your spelling
ingredients
price
is quite cheap. In addition
, it is easy to shopping
online and apply cheaper Replace the word
shop
price
. Fix the agreement mistake
prices
Also
, younth
Correct your spelling
young
youth
people
follow quick fashion now, so they can choose buying
cheap Change the verb form
to buy
goods
and recycle or donate items
after they do not need them.
It is true that luxery
Correct your spelling
luxury
items
let us feel we are different with
other Change preposition
from
people
. But there are many goods
with lower price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
bring
the same feeling to us. The life you hold is not Correct pronoun usage
that bring
offer
from Wrong verb form
offered
items
, it depend
Change the verb form
depends
by
yourself.Change preposition
on
Submitted by fran60825 on
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Task Achievement
Ensure your introduction clearly presents the topic and your opinion. The conclusion should summarily reflect your overall stance, linking back to the introduction.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use paragraphs to separate different ideas and ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea supported by examples or explanations.
Task Achievement
For a balanced argument, present clear advantages and disadvantages before stating your position. Make sure your opinion is consistent throughout the essay.
Language
Improve your grammatical accuracy and range. Frequent grammatical errors and unconventional expressions can make your essay difficult to follow.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider the use of linking words to improve the flow of your essay. This includes connectors for adding information, comparing, contrasting, and concluding.
Language
Be mindful of spellings and the accuracy of words (e.g., 'benefits' instead of 'benifits', 'luxury' instead of 'luxery'). This will make your essay more professional and easier to understand.
Task Achievement
Ensure you provide specific examples to support your points. While you've mentioned some, making them more detailed and directly linked to the discussed advantage or disadvantage could enhance your argument.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example