IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

It is true that senior management positions are highly paid compared to other employees in business establishments. I belive that it is essential to be paid more salary for senior positions as they are play a vital role for business development. This essay will delve into my viewpoints with relevant illustrations.

#management #positions #employees #business #establishments #belive #salary #role #development #viewpoints #illustrations
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It is true that senior
management
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positions
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 are highly paid compared to other
employees
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 in
business
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 establishments. I
belive
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believe
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 that it is essential to be paid more salary for senior
positions
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 as they
are
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apply
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play a vital role
for
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in
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business
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 development.
This
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 essay will delve into my viewpoints with relevant illustrations. First and foremost, one of the obvious reasons to be paid
high
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a high
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salary
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salaries
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 for senior
positions
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 is the
resposibilities
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responsibilities
 and risks of the position
what
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that
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 they are holding into.
In other words
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, senior
positions
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 in companies have
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the responsbility
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responsbility
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responsibility
for
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of
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 sustaining the company in the
high-competative
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high-competitive
business
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 world.
For example
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, top
management
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 is formulating
business
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 and marketing strategies,
therefore
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, they should be highly efficient and alert about
the
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apply
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market fluctuations.
For example
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, the famous entertainment company BlockBluster
bankrupted
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was bankrupted
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due to
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 the
ineffcientcy
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inefficiency
 of the senior
management
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.
Furthermore
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, senior leaders have more personal expenses to run
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business
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a business
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 compared to other
employees
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.
For example
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, they should wear expensive suits for
business
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 meetings and conferences which would not compensated by
business
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 establishments.
Similarly
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, top
managment
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management
 people are the glamour faces of
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apply
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a
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apply
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business
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Fix the agreement mistake
organisation
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organisations
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organisation
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,
therfore
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therefore
, they should be paid more to attract more potential leaders to the organisation.
Moreover
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, other
employees
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 in the
oragnisation
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organisation
 will be motivated and they
would
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will
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 work hard to achieve senior
management
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positions
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. In conclusion, senior
management
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positions
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 have more
responsbilities
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responsibilities
 and
risk
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risks
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 compared to ordinary
employees
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. Ergo, I believe that they have to be paid more remuneration to motivate others to reach top
positions
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.
Submitted by ck.manshad on

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coherence cohesion
To improve your score in coherence and cohesion, focus on organizing your essay more logically. Ensure your ideas flow smoothly from one to the next by using a variety of linking phrases. Additionally, pay attention to paragraph structure, with clear topic sentences and supportive details.
task achievement
For a higher score in task achievement, ensure you fully address the question's prompt, including all parts of the task. Develop your main ideas more comprehensively with specific and relevant examples. Make sure to express and support your opinions clearly.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to spelling and grammatical accuracy to enhance overall clarity and professionalism. Mistakes such as 'belive' instead of 'believe', and inconsistencies in terms such as 'company' and 'companies' can detract from your score. Improving these aspects can significantly boost your overall IELTS writing rating.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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