It is true that senior management positions are highly paid compared to other employees in business establishments. I belive that it is essential to be paid more salary for senior positions as they are play a vital role for business development. This essay will delve into my viewpoints with relevant illustrations.
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It is true that senior
management
positions
are highly paid compared to other employees
in business
establishments. I belive
that it is essential to be paid more salary for senior Correct your spelling
believe
positions
as they are
play a vital role Unnecessary verb
apply
for
Change preposition
in
business
development. This
essay will delve into my viewpoints with relevant illustrations.
First and foremost, one of the obvious reasons to be paid high
Correct article usage
a high
salary
for senior Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
positions
is the resposibilities
and risks of the position Correct your spelling
responsibilities
what
they are holding into. Correct word choice
that
In other words
, senior positions
in companies have Correct article usage
the responsbility
responsbility
Correct your spelling
responsibility
for
sustaining the company in the Change preposition
of
high-competative
Correct your spelling
high-competitive
business
world. For example
, top management
is formulating business
and marketing strategies, therefore
, they should be highly efficient and alert about the
market fluctuations. Correct article usage
apply
For example
, the famous entertainment company BlockBluster bankrupted
Add a missing verb
was bankrupted
due to
the ineffcientcy
of the senior Correct your spelling
inefficiency
management
.
Furthermore
, senior leaders have more personal expenses to run business
compared to other Correct article usage
a business
employees
. For example
, they should wear expensive suits for business
meetings and conferences which would not compensated by business
establishments. Similarly
, top managment
people are the glamour faces of Correct your spelling
management
Correct article usage
apply
a
Correct article usage
apply
business
Fix the agreement mistake
organisation
organisations
, Fix the agreement mistake
organisation
therfore
, they should be paid more to attract more potential leaders to the organisation. Correct your spelling
therefore
Moreover
, other employees
in the oragnisation
will be motivated and they Correct your spelling
organisation
would
work hard to achieve senior Wrong verb form
will
management
positions
.
In conclusion, senior management
positions
have more responsbilities
and Correct your spelling
responsibilities
risk
compared to ordinary Fix the agreement mistake
risks
employees
. Ergo, I believe that they have to be paid more remuneration to motivate others to reach top positions
.Submitted by ck.manshad on
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coherence cohesion
To improve your score in coherence and cohesion, focus on organizing your essay more logically. Ensure your ideas flow smoothly from one to the next by using a variety of linking phrases. Additionally, pay attention to paragraph structure, with clear topic sentences and supportive details.
task achievement
For a higher score in task achievement, ensure you fully address the question's prompt, including all parts of the task. Develop your main ideas more comprehensively with specific and relevant examples. Make sure to express and support your opinions clearly.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to spelling and grammatical accuracy to enhance overall clarity and professionalism. Mistakes such as 'belive' instead of 'believe', and inconsistencies in terms such as 'company' and 'companies' can detract from your score. Improving these aspects can significantly boost your overall IELTS writing rating.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?