IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the average Australian water consumption in selected cities for last year. The pie chart shows the distribution of Australia water consumption for last year.

The bar chart below shows the average Australian water consumption in selected cities for last year. The pie chart shows the distribution of Australia water consumption for last year.
#bar #australian #water #consumption #cities #year #distribution #australia
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The bar graph illustrates the yearly Australian
water
Use synonyms
 utilization in major cities in 2014,
while
Linking Words
 the circular
chart
Use synonyms
 gives information about the proportion of distributed
water
Use synonyms
 consumption in Australia in the same year.
Overall
Linking Words
, the most striking feature of the given bar
chart
Use synonyms
 is that Perth and Brisbane were the major consumers of
water
Use synonyms
. The pie
chart
Use synonyms
 shows that
agriculture
Correct article usage
the agriculture
show examples
 sector used more than half of
available
Correct article usage
the available
show examples
water
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 irrigation and
minimum
Correct article usage
the minimum
show examples
 usage of
water
Use synonyms
 was seen in mining the earth's surface. The bar graph represents that in Perth more demand for
water
Use synonyms
 supply was seen at around 300kL
whereas
Linking Words
 in Sydney people conserved more
water
Use synonyms
 and met their needs with 200kL of
water
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, Adelaide and Brisbane were nearly equal in terms of
water
Use synonyms
 utilization which stayed at 250kL.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the figures for Melbourne(150kL) and Canberra(140kL) are significantly lower than the previous ones with regard to utilization of
water
Use synonyms
. The pie
chart
Use synonyms
 shows agriculture with
proportion
Add an article
the proportion
a proportion
show examples
 of 67% was the major consumer of
water
Use synonyms
 distribution in Australia.
However
Linking Words
, the other two sectors
such
Linking Words
 as
water
Use synonyms
 supply, sewage and electricity and gas supply
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
accounted for only 7%. Meanwhile, manufacturing and other industries got 2% more
water
Use synonyms
 than
mining
Correct article usage
the mining
show examples
 industry and the
water
Use synonyms
 distributed to
household
Fix the agreement mistake
households
show examples
 was 9% which was quite more than the former sectors.
Submitted by navkiranji on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words water, chart, kl with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "gives" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • average consumption
  • distribution
  • sector
  • domestic use
  • industrial use
  • agricultural use
  • urban areas
  • rural areas
  • trend
  • resource management
  • policy implications
  • ecosystem impact
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