IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

The claim that animals have “rights” has been the subject of much debate since the 1970s. Are zoos helping or hurting our animals? Should zoos be banned? Do you agree or disagree?

#animals #“rights” #debate #zoos
All
animals
 are
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
living creatures and they have emotions like
a human beings
Correct the article-noun agreement
a human being
human beings
show examples
. Being a living thing they have
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 to live in their homes called
jungle
Fix the agreement mistake
jungles
show examples
 and no individual has
privilege
Change the article
the privilege
show examples
 to
kept
Wrong verb form
keep
show examples
 them in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cages . I agree that zoos should be banned for the welfare of
animals
.
To begin
 with , all
animals
 love to live in their natural habitats with their families where they learn how to hunt for their survival , they
also
 feel safe and enthusiastic .
For instance
, as per Bombay
Add a comma
news,
show examples
news
Capitalize word
News
show examples
 the lion who
kept
Add a missing verb
was kept
show examples
 in the zoo for a long time
forget
Wrong verb form
forgot
show examples
 all the tricks of survival and when he was abandoned in the jungle , he got killed by
another wild
Replace the adjective
another wild animal
other wild animals
show examples
animals
 .
Hence
, it is very important not to isolate them from their wildlife for their better progress.
Moreover
, wild
animals
 are
no
Correct your spelling
not
show examples
 a piece of entertainment for the masses because greedy people abduct them for the money.
Furthermore
, they
got
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
 depressed in the zoos as they
are
Verb problem
do
show examples
 not
getting
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
 enough space to move
hence
, emotional disturbance
cause
Replace the word
causes
show examples
 detrimental effects on their
overall
 health and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
may lead them to death.
For example
, as per the survey hundreds of
animals
under
Add a missing verb
are under
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
medical supervision .
To conclude
, zoos are not the suitable place to live for them because it hurts them physically
as well as
 mentally. Being
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
responsible citizens people should leave them at their ecstatic place .
Submitted by Kaurharvinder2984 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Be sure to have a clear thesis statement in your introduction that outlines your main argument. This will make your stance clear from the beginning.
task achievement
Develop your paragraphs with a clear topic sentence followed by supporting details and examples. This will strengthen your argument and make it more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, use a range of linking devices to show relationships between ideas, such as contrast, addition, and cause-effect.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single idea to maintain coherence. This helps your reader follow your argument more easily.
task achievement
Try to conclude your essay with a restatement of your main points and a summary of your stance. This reinforces your argument to the reader.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: