IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The claim that animals have “rights” has been the subject of much debate since the 1970s. Are zoos helping or hurting our animals? Should zoos be banned? Do you agree or disagree?

#animals #“rights” #debate #zoos
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All
animals
 are
the
Correct article usage
apply
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living creatures and they have emotions like
a human beings
Correct the article-noun agreement
a human being
human beings
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. Being a living thing they have
right
Correct article usage
the right
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 to live in their homes called
jungle
Fix the agreement mistake
jungles
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 and no individual has
privilege
Change the article
the privilege
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 to
kept
Wrong verb form
keep
show examples
 them in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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cages . I agree that zoos should be banned for the welfare of
animals
.
To begin
 with , all
animals
 love to live in their natural habitats with their families where they learn how to hunt for their survival , they
also
 feel safe and enthusiastic .
For instance
, as per Bombay
Add a comma
news,
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news
Capitalize word
News
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 the lion who
kept
Add a missing verb
was kept
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 in the zoo for a long time
forget
Wrong verb form
forgot
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 all the tricks of survival and when he was abandoned in the jungle , he got killed by
another wild
Replace the adjective
another wild animal
other wild animals
show examples
animals
 .
Hence
, it is very important not to isolate them from their wildlife for their better progress.
Moreover
, wild
animals
 are
no
Correct your spelling
not
show examples
 a piece of entertainment for the masses because greedy people abduct them for the money.
Furthermore
, they
got
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
 depressed in the zoos as they
are
Verb problem
do
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 not
getting
Wrong verb form
get
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 enough space to move
hence
, emotional disturbance
cause
Replace the word
causes
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 detrimental effects on their
overall
 health and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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may lead them to death.
For example
, as per the survey hundreds of
animals
under
Add a missing verb
are under
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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medical supervision .
To conclude
, zoos are not the suitable place to live for them because it hurts them physically
as well as
 mentally. Being
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
responsible citizens people should leave them at their ecstatic place .
Submitted by Kaurharvinder2984 on

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task achievement
Be sure to have a clear thesis statement in your introduction that outlines your main argument. This will make your stance clear from the beginning.
task achievement
Develop your paragraphs with a clear topic sentence followed by supporting details and examples. This will strengthen your argument and make it more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, use a range of linking devices to show relationships between ideas, such as contrast, addition, and cause-effect.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single idea to maintain coherence. This helps your reader follow your argument more easily.
task achievement
Try to conclude your essay with a restatement of your main points and a summary of your stance. This reinforces your argument to the reader.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Captivity
  • Conservation
  • Endangered species
  • Biodiversity
  • Ethical treatment
  • Habitat loss
  • Poaching
  • Breeding programs
  • Exhibition
  • Enrichment activities
  • Naturalistic settings
  • Rehabilitation
  • Wildlife reserves
  • Sanctuaries
  • Educational opportunities
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