IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

People are having more and more sugar drinks. What are the reasons? What are the solutions to make people drink less?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Start now →
Introduction
Now a days
Correct the word
Nowadays
show examples
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
sugar
Use synonyms
 beverages more than ever. The main reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
 situation
that
Add a missing verb
is that
show examples
 the main part
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
supply
Change the verb form
to be supplied
show examples
 by factories which
using
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
sugar
Use synonyms
 in their product and
people
Use synonyms
habitated
Add a missing verb
are habitated
show examples
 to
Use synonyms
use
Wrong verb form
using
show examples
 them
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
long
Add an article
a long
show examples
 life, they could
change
Use synonyms
 our food chain.
Body · 1
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
sugar
Use synonyms
hide
Change the verb form
hides
show examples
 in our
drinks
Use synonyms
 and we
use
Use synonyms
 the product without any attention. most of us believe that
this
Linking Words
 type of drink
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
Correct article usage
a posetive
show examples
posetive
Correct your spelling
positive
 on our body,
Linking Words
due
Correct word choice
and due
show examples
 to
this
Linking Words
 reason most
group
Change to a plural noun
groups
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 our society encounter by
overwieght
Correct your spelling
overweight
 and obesity. Focus on the menu of beverages which
Use synonyms
use
Wrong verb form
are used
show examples
 during
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 day
show
Correct subject-verb agreement
shows
show examples
 that all of us
using
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
sugar
Use synonyms
 in many
taype
Correct your spelling
ways
 and we do not understand
sweety
Correct your spelling
sweet
show examples
tast
Correct your spelling
taste
test
. Because our body
get
Change the verb form
gets
show examples
 the habit with
this
Linking Words
 situation. Food
chain
Fix the agreement mistake
chains
show examples
 have important roles in our health.
Body · 2
In fact, to solve
this
Linking Words
 problem the governments should authorize new rules to restrict factories to
use
Use synonyms
 less
sugar
Use synonyms
 or
change
Use synonyms
 their product.
There for
Correct your spelling
Therefore
show examples
, social media can
rase
Correct your spelling
raise
show examples
 awareness of individuals in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society to
change
Use synonyms
 their
Use synonyms
drinks
Replace the word
drinking
show examples
 type. Namely,
incourage
Correct your spelling
encourage
 them to
use
Use synonyms
 water
insted
Correct your spelling
instead
 of
fuzzy
Correct your spelling
fizzy
show examples
drinks
Use synonyms
 or
use
Use synonyms
 less
sugar
Use synonyms
 in their coffee.
Body · 3
In conclusion, most
part
Change to a plural noun
parts
show examples
 of our society do not
have
Verb problem
pay
show examples
 any attention to
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 menu that
use
Use synonyms
 in
daily
Correct pronoun usage
their daily
show examples
habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
show examples
. So, the government have to
rase
Correct your spelling
raise
show examples
 the information of
people
Use synonyms
 about foods or
drinks
Use synonyms
 which
use
Use synonyms
.
Conclusion
The
Correct article usage
People
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 should pay attention to their health and body and measure the
sugar
Use synonyms
 that they
use
Use synonyms
 to
change
Use synonyms
 their habit
to lose
Verb problem
of
show examples
 using less
sugar
Use synonyms
 than ever.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence & Cohesion
You should focus on developing a clearer and more logical structure for your essay. Start with a strong introduction, followed by well-organized paragraphs, each addressing separate points, and finish with a comprehensive conclusion.
Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea, followed by explanations or examples. Use linking words to help the reader follow your argument more easily.
Task Achievement
Fully address both parts of the task by discussing the reasons for the increase in sugar drink consumption and proposing a variety of detailed solutions. Make sure each part is given equal attention and development.
Task Achievement
Use specific and relevant examples to support your arguments. This will make your essay more persuasive and demonstrate a better understanding of the topic.
Language
To improve accuracy and range, pay careful attention to grammar, spelling, and vocabulary choice. Avoid overly general statements and aim for precision in your language.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • convenience
  • accessibility
  • aggressive marketing
  • health risks
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • dental problems
  • quick energy boosts
  • stress relief
  • imposition
  • affordability
  • healthier alternatives
  • public health campaigns
  • consumer habits
What to do next:
Look at other essays: