IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition totheir main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification.Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#university #students #subjects #addition #totheir #time #attention #qualification
It is true that some
students
 believe that
invest
Wrong verb form
investing
show examples
 all their time
to learn
Change preposition
in learning
show examples
 main
subjects
encourage
Correct subject-verb agreement
encourages
show examples
 them
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 a better qualification, somehow, I strongly hold the view that
students
 should pay attention to all
subjects
 equally. It is reasonable that only
focus
Replace the word
focusing
show examples
 on
main
Correct article usage
the main
show examples
subjects
 is more
efficiency
Replace the word
efficient
show examples
. Spending all the time studying major
course
Fix the agreement mistake
courses
show examples
 means
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
paying more attention
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 those which may be important in
students
Change noun form
students'
student's
show examples
further
 examination. It is
undenable
Correct your spelling
undeniable
untenable
 that plenty of time and attention is needed in studying major courses
such
 as Mathematics.
For example
, in order to gain a better score in examinations,
students
 need loads of
practices
Fix the agreement mistake
practice
show examples
 and
organizations
Fix the agreement mistake
organization
show examples
.
However
, learning the same knowledge day after day may lead to frustration and boredom. Those
furthermore
 will
gain
Verb problem
have
show examples
 negative effects
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
students
Change noun form
students'
student's
show examples
 interests
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 study.
On the other hand
,
students
 learning other
subjects
 may encourage them to discover a better personality. Learning not only major courses
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 music, science and sports means
students
 can gain
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 full-field development.
Therefore
, be aware of
culture
Correct article usage
the culture
show examples
, history and technology of the world.
Moreover
, learning other
subjects
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 positive effects
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
students
' personal
further
 development.
For example
, by having sports
class
Fix the agreement mistake
classes
show examples
,
students
 can not only do exercise
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 by playing sports together, they are able to practice their teamwork ability, which will no wonder improve their
further
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
.
Overall
,
eventhough
Correct your spelling
even though
 the advantages of learning only major
subjects
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 been discussed, I still strongly hold the view that it will be better for
students
 to learn more courses to develop a better future.
Submitted by 1434110674 on

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structure
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction should briefly mention all points that you will discuss. Each body paragraph should focus on a single main idea, supported by examples or explanations. The conclusion should summarize your main points and restate your opinion.
cohesion
Work on the logical flow of your ideas. Use conjunctions, linking phrases, and topic sentences at the beginning of paragraphs to ensure your text is easily understandable and that ideas flow smoothly from one to another.
development
Develop your ideas more fully by providing more detailed examples and explanations for each point you make. Vary your sentence structure to maintain the reader's interest and to convey your ideas more effectively.
task response
Address the task directly by discussing both views presented in the prompt as well as clearly stating your own opinion. Ensure that your opinion is stated in the introduction and conclusion to provide a clear stance throughout the essay.
language
Pay attention to your grammar and vocabulary. Using a wider range of vocabulary and grammar structures can help convey your ideas more precisely and make your essay more engaging. Additionally, review your essay for any grammatical errors to improve accuracy.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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