In today’s world, people spend a lot of money on appearance because they want to look younger. Why does this happen? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#today’s #world #people #money #appearance #happen #development

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nowadays,

people

splurge

out

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apply

show examples

on their

look

Fix the agreement mistake

looks

show examples

in order to stay young.

This

essay will discuss the reasons and the side effects of

this

phenomenon. For

thousand

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thousands

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of years, human beings have been struggling

with finding

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to find

show examples

a treatment to

perevent

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prevent

aging

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ageing

show examples

. Getting old could be frightening because body and face undergo changes so a lot of

people

are looking for a way to stop

this

trend.

For example

, it has been seen that celebrities take all kinds of treatments from using expensive creams and having a rejuvenating diet to the botax injection and surgery, to be young and look beautiful in front of the public. The advantage of trying to stay young is to boost

self confidence

Add a hyphen

self-confidence

show examples

People

who look young and beautiful get a lot of compliments

among

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from

show examples

the public so they feel they are good enough and

the

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apply

show examples

society

admire

Correct subject-verb agreement

admires

show examples

them.

Thus

, they feel more confidence and power.

For

instance

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instance,

show examples

a woman who is well-dressed and looks young and

beaufitul

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beautiful

is in the

center

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centre

show examples

of attention in almost every

places

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place

show examples

and others will respect her more than everyone.

However

this

trend causes the public to not accept their look and

make

Correct subject-verb agreement

makes

show examples

them feel they are not good enough.

Change preposition

show examples

result

Correct article usage

a result

show examples

, a significant amount of money is paid to improve appearance

while

the

sence

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sense

of satisfaction will not felt. many

actuall

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actual

actually

cases can be seen in the streets where some

people

look

wierd

Correct your spelling

weird

and unusual

due to

all

surgery

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the surgery

show examples

they have done. In conclusion, attention to

the

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apply

show examples

appearance and spending on it, is not a problem though,

over spending

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overspending

show examples

and being obsessed about it may harm individuals physically and mentally.

Submitted by m.tavasoli18 on Wed Mar 20 2024

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Introduction/Conclusion

Ensure your essay includes a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Your introduction briefly presented the topic, but it could be enhanced by clearly stating your main arguments. Elaborate on your conclusion to effectively summarize your points and restate your opinion.

Logical Structure

Provide a clear thesis statement in your introduction to guide readers through the essay. Use topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to introduce the main idea.

Supported Main Points

Support your main points with more specific examples and evidence. While you provided examples related to celebrities, adding more varied and detailed instances can strengthen your argument.

Complete Response

Clearly address the essay prompt by discussing both the reasons behind the phenomenon and its positive or negative implications. Make sure to express your opinion explicitly and support it with arguments.

Coherence/Cohesion

Use cohesive devices (e.g., linking words, pronouns) to create better flow and coherence. Avoid repeating words; instead, use synonyms or paraphrase to maintain interest and readability.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
23
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

271 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Cultural and social pressure
Youth and beauty glorification
Technological advancements
Anti-aging treatments
Skincare
Cosmetic procedures
Self-esteem and confidence
Self-improvement
Self-care
Unrealistic beauty standards
Superficiality
Financial strain
Consumption and dissatisfaction
Psychological effects
Anxiety and depression
Body dysmorphobia

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In today’s world, people spend a lot of money on appearance because they want to look younger. Why does this happen? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Fully explain your ideas

Some countries achieve international sports by building specialised facilities to train top athletes, instead of providing sports facilities that everyone can use. Do you think this is positive or negative development? Discuss both views and give your opinion.

The best way to measure someone's success is to look at how much money that person has. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

In some societies, more and more people are deciding to live alone. Why do you think this is? Do the advantages of living alone outweigh the disadvantages?

Many young children have unsupervised access to the internet and are using the internet to socialize with others. What problems do children face when going online without parental supervision? How can these problems be solved?

Many people believe that the increasing gap between rich and poor people has a negative impact on society. What are the reasons for rising inequality and what problems could it cause?