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Band 5

In today’s world, people spend a lot of money on appearance because they want to look younger. Why does this happen? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#today’s #world #people #money #appearance #happen #development
nowadays,
people
 splurge
out
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apply
show examples
on their
look
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looks
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 in order to stay young.
This
 essay will discuss the reasons and the side effects of
this
 phenomenon. For
thousand
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thousands
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 of years, human beings have been struggling
with finding
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to find
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 a treatment to
perevent
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prevent
aging
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ageing
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. Getting old could be frightening because body and face undergo changes so a lot of
people
 are looking for a way to stop
this
 trend.
For example
, it has been seen that celebrities take all kinds of treatments from using expensive creams and having a rejuvenating diet to the botax injection and surgery, to be young and look beautiful in front of the public. The advantage of trying to stay young is to boost
self confidence
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self-confidence
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.
People
 who look young and beautiful get a lot of compliments
among
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from
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 the public so they feel they are good enough and
the
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apply
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society
admire
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admires
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 them.
Thus
, they feel more confidence and power.
For
instance
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instance,
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 a woman who is well-dressed and looks young and
beaufitul
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beautiful
 is in the
center
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centre
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 of attention in almost every
places
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place
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 and others will respect her more than everyone.
However
,
this
 trend causes the public to not accept their look and
make
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makes
show examples
 them feel they are not good enough.
In
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As
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result
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a result
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, a significant amount of money is paid to improve appearance
while
 the
sence
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sense
 of satisfaction will not felt. many
actuall
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actual
actually
 cases can be seen in the streets where some
people
 look
wierd
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weird
 and unusual
due to
 all
surgery
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the surgery
show examples
 they have done. In conclusion, attention to
the
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apply
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appearance and spending on it, is not a problem though,
over spending
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overspending
show examples
 and being obsessed about it may harm individuals physically and mentally.
Submitted by m.tavasoli18 on

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Introduction/Conclusion
Ensure your essay includes a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Your introduction briefly presented the topic, but it could be enhanced by clearly stating your main arguments. Elaborate on your conclusion to effectively summarize your points and restate your opinion.
Logical Structure
Provide a clear thesis statement in your introduction to guide readers through the essay. Use topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to introduce the main idea.
Supported Main Points
Support your main points with more specific examples and evidence. While you provided examples related to celebrities, adding more varied and detailed instances can strengthen your argument.
Complete Response
Clearly address the essay prompt by discussing both the reasons behind the phenomenon and its positive or negative implications. Make sure to express your opinion explicitly and support it with arguments.
Coherence/Cohesion
Use cohesive devices (e.g., linking words, pronouns) to create better flow and coherence. Avoid repeating words; instead, use synonyms or paraphrase to maintain interest and readability.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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