Smoking is a major cause of serious illness and death throughout the world today. In the interest of the public health, governments should ban cigarettes and other tobacco products. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In recent times, many
people
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smoking and it is a
cause
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of different illnesses so governments should prohibit smoking or taking
tobacco
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. Nowadays, plenty of
people
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take
tobacco
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and
then
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die and it is caused by smoking.
Nonetheless
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, many men
smoke
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. From my point of view, if the government want to healthy life, they must forbid smoking and say that
people
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who use
tobacco
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or smoking, we demand a large amount of money.
Then
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this
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rule a lot of
people
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will not
smoke
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.
Moreover
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, a plethora of the population dies,
due to
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they take
tobacco
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or smoking very much per day and about 8.6 million
people
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in the US have at least 1 serious illness
that is
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caused by smoking.
Moreover
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, in 2012, 18.1% of Americans, 18 and older, were current smokers. A cigarette contains over 4800 chemicals 69 of which are known to
cause
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cancer. Secondhand,
smoke
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contains over 7000 chemicals, including 70 cancer-causing chemicals. So,I totally agree and if the government stem smoking, there are many useful sides for us.
For instance
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, the air will more clearer because cigarette
smoke
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is very bad for our health.
In addition
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to
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apply
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, those who
smoke
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cigarettes, his
lungs
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lung
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are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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cancer, and they
impact
Correct subject-verb agreement
impacts
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to lungs, oesophagus and
livers
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liver
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.
Further
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, it causes
cause
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emphysema and it is the
cause
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of complicating respire and other bad things.
Nevertheless
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, some men
smoke
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brazenly and it is the worst thing. Apart from that, we are Muslims and our faith is Islam in Islam faith smoking is one of the most harmful things. So, smoking does not have any merits, but smoking has many demerits for our health and environment.
To sum up
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, smoking is one of the worst things in the world and it has only bad ways in every way on
people
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's lives, air, animals and
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
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healthy
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
show examples
. In that way, the government should ban smoking as it is the best way to healthy life.
Submitted by Shaxnoza on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure your essay has a clear structure with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Begin with a statement of your viewpoint, followed by paragraphs that support your position with arguments and examples, and conclude with a brief summary or a restatement of your viewpoint.
Task Achievement
Develop your ideas more fully. Each paragraph should contain one main idea or argument, supported by relevant examples or data. Avoid making general statements without providing specific evidence or examples to support them.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on transitioning smoothly from one idea to the next. Use linking words and phrases effectively to guide the reader through your essay. Examples include 'furthermore', 'in addition', 'however', and 'therefore'. This will enhance the flow and readability of your essay.
Language
Review your essay for grammatical accuracy and range of vocabulary. Proper grammar and varied vocabulary can greatly contribute to the clarity and strength of your argument. Consider revising sentences that are unclear or repetitive.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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