Professional sports person are often idolized by the youth. Some people think that they, therefore, have a responsibility to be role models at all times for children. Do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
My
Change the word
The
show examples
data from my survey
support
my
hypothesis
. My
study
explores how using a mobile
phone
during multitasking activities,
such
as browsing social media or listening to music, affects
reaction
time
.
However
, when people
use
their phones, they cannot
focus
on other things, and their
reaction
time
will be lower.
Phone
influence
affects people's
reaction
time
.
This
study
by Pavelka (2019) showed that the team that passed the test with a
phone
had a lower score than the team that did not
use
a
phone
during the test. It showed that social media can go down in
reaction
time
. Another
study
was educational, with my results
and
Wrong verb form
supporting
show examples
support
my
hypothesis
from Monke (2012)
demonstrated
Wrong verb form
demonstrating
show examples
that when you
use
a device, it can
influence
reaction
time
. His experiment proved that using a
phone
affects
reaction
time
.
Students
Change noun form
Students'
Student's
show examples
reaction
time
was faster when they did not
use
their phones because when they used devices, they were distracted and could not
focus
on their work. His experiment showed that if participants speak with somebody and are trying to listen to their partner. He cannot
focus
on driving, and his
reaction
time
will be lower. As far as the
important
Replace the word
importance
show examples
of the
phone
lowers the
reaction
time
Pavelka (2019) and Monke (2012) have corresponding views. Žuraulis et al (2018) have examined how the driver will feel if he loses control of the vehicle with the
phone
. Drivers will not
focus
on the road fully, and mental strain will increase too. Driver
reaction
time
increased by 18.1
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
compared to drivers without devices.
Also
, these data
support
my
hypothesis
. Monke. (2012) and Žuraulis et al (2018) take a similar position with regard to the slower driver
reaction
time
when using a
phone
while
driving. Grewal and Sahni (2019) claimed that older people (60-70 age) who used their smartphones too much had the fastest
reaction
time
.
According to
science, video games and smartphones can develop cognitive skills and motor functions. Sciences came to the conclusion that to stop cognitive problems and disabilities, it is recommended to play video games and
use
devices; it helps stop neurological problems and disabilities. They directly affect the human brain.
However
, Grewal and
Sahni
Change noun form
Sahni's
show examples
(2019) source of information does not
support
my
hypothesis
. Jage, et al. (2020)
this
academic work,
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
an idea
of
Change preposition
that
show examples
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
reaction
time
will decrease. if they
use
device
Correct article usage
a device
show examples
. It
is
Change the verb form
is influenced
show examples
influence
by
cognitive
Correct article usage
the cognitive
show examples
development of
children
(aged 6-12) .In the future , it can
influence
Wrong verb form
be influenced
show examples
by deterioration of attention and memory, poor sleep, loss of learning and cognitive skills and more irritability. Authors recommend
reduce
Change the verb form
reducing
show examples
phone
use
by
children
(aged 6-12). The
study
Poujol
Change preposition
by Poujol
show examples
et al (2022) illustrates
when
Correct word choice
that
show examples
phones do not
influence
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the intelligence or memory of teenagers but if
teenager
Correct article usage
a teenager
show examples
will
Wrong verb form
uses
show examples
use
phone
Correct article usage
a phone
show examples
too much his cognitive
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
will grow
down
Change preposition
apply
show examples
.
However
, similar views regarding the deterioration of cognitive abilities in
children
adhere to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Poujol et al (2022) and Jage, Sharma and Kumar (2020) . Poujol et al (2022) and Jage, Sharma and Kumar (2020)
also
support
my
hypothesis
.Sunday , Adesope and
Maarhuis
Change noun form
Maarhuis's
show examples
(2021) research shows that
phone
has
bad
Add an article
a bad
show examples
influence
on
study
.Results of
this
study
shows
Change the verb form
show
show examples
that students
use
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
many times ,academic performance declines and dependence appears.My work
suggest
Change the verb form
suggests
show examples
at
Change preposition
that
show examples
Reducing
phone
usage will have a good effect on learning. Sunday , Adesope and Maarhuis (2021
Submitted by dulskywork on

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Coherence and Cohesion
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Coherence and Cohesion
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Task Achievement
Task Response: Ensure you fully address the question asked. Your essay should directly respond to the prompt, making your viewpoint clear and explaining why you hold that view.
Task Achievement
Clear and Comprehensive Ideas: Work on presenting your ideas more clearly. Avoid overly complex sentences and ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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