Many people working longer hours, leaving little time for leisure activities. What are the advantages and disadvantages..
A lot of employees spend longer
hours
working, giving minimal attention to leisure activities. Use synonyms
This
phenomenon has its benefits Linking Words
as well as
drawbacks, Linking Words
this
essay will discuss both sides in the paragraphs below,
Linking Words
To begin
with, increased productivity and financial gain is one of the advantages by which people work longer Linking Words
hours
. Many individuals tend to take extra shifts in order to get additional income to support themselves and Use synonyms
also
to boost job performance. Linking Words
For instance
, some companies Linking Words
introduces
more appealing incentives which can attract Change the verb form
introduce
its
workers to work more efficiently in other to boost their income rate. Correct pronoun usage
their
Additionally
, Linking Words
due to
personal fulfillment and a sense of accomplishment, many people Linking Words
out work
themselves to achieve that goal and meet their expectations.
Correct your spelling
outwork
However
, working without having personal time for leisure moments has its disadvantages Linking Words
such
asLinking Words
,
neglect of personal relationships and social life. Parents sometimes do not have time for their children or family members Remove the comma
apply
due to
the rate at which they spend their time in their workplaces. Linking Words
Furthermore
, spending Linking Words
much
Change the quantifier
many
hours
during job activities leads to burnout which Use synonyms
further
contributes to physical and mental breakdown.Employees become stressed and frustrated when they don't have enough breaks for resting and bad for one's health.Linking Words
Therefore
, there Linking Words
has
been some initiatives by employers to give their workers some days off for holidays to help improve their mental Change the verb form
have
wellbeing
.
To summarize, working for Correct your spelling
well-being
hours
without giving breaks for leisure activities has Use synonyms
it's
pros but Replace the word
its
this
leads to mental and physical decline and people tend to neglect their own families and needs. It will be advisable to strike a balance between working and protecting our family and mental health.Linking Words
Submitted by dede on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Your introduction and conclusion are well defined, but further clarity in the body paragraphs can improve the structure.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. While your essay has some logical structure, the use of more cohesive devices can enhance readability.
task achievement
Support your main points with specific examples. You provided instances, but adding more detailed examples could strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Address the prompt fully by discussing both advantages and disadvantages in equal measure. Ensure that your essay maintains a balanced discussion throughout.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?