IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Professional sports person are often idolized by the youth. Some people think that they, therefore, have a responsibility to be role models at all times for children. Do you agree or disagree?

#sports #person #youth #people #responsibility #role #models #times #children
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It is argued that
the
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apply
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sports
celebraties
Correct your spelling
celebrities
 should be role
model
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models
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 all the
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
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 for adolescents.
This
 essay
agree
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agrees
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 with the statement because
sports
 persons act as
a influencers
Correct the article-noun agreement
an influencer
influencers
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 for youth , and most of the
children
 choose their career by watching them . The main reason that
this
 is important for
the
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apply
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sports
 individuals to
bea
Correct your spelling
be
 positive
icon
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icons
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for
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apply
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all the
time
because
Add a missing verb
is because
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 they influence young
children
 in every aspect of
the
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apply
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life
 .
In other words
,
children
grown
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grow
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 up by watching them on TV commercials and reading about them in
the
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apply
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books which
keep
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keeps
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 them motivated all the
time
 and
copy
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copies
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 their positive goals in their early stage of
life
 .
For example
 , Virat
kohli
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Kohli
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 is a captain of the Indian Cricket Team and his leadership role plays
important
Add an article
an important
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 part in the team .
Therefore
 , most of the
children
 acquire
this
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these
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 leadership skills by watching
him
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them
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 and
use
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using
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this
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them
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 in their daily
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. Another reason why
sports
 personalities should be good
example
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examples
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 every
time
because
Add a missing verb
is because
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 they
helps
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help
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 young people to follow
their
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in their
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 footsteps and become
a
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apply
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great
personality
Fix the agreement mistake
personalities
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 in the future . To elaborate ,
children
 watch them carefully on
you tube
Correct your spelling
youtube
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 videos and read their
biography
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biographies
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 in order to
be play
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play
show examples
 like them and copy their lifestyle to be
a
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apply
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successfull
Correct your spelling
successful
sports
 person one day .
For example
 ,Kobe Bryant was a professional basketball player and he decided to play basketball when he went with his father to watch matches
in
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on
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 the
play ground
Correct your spelling
playground
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in
Change preposition
at
show examples
Correct article usage
the eary
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eary
Correct your spelling
early
 stage of his
life
.
Therefore
 , it is very important for the
sports
 person to be in good
images
Fix the agreement mistake
image
show examples
 all the
time
. In conclusion, having a wide impact on
children
Change noun form
children's
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lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
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 as
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 influencer and
help
Wrong verb form
helping
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 them to choose good career
path
Fix the agreement mistake
paths
show examples
 for their future shows that it is necessary for the
sports
 personality should maintain
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
show examples
 image all the
time
.
Submitted by kmlchahal97 on

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logical structure
Ensure your introduction clearly outlines the structure of your essay, and that your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points without introducing new information.
complete response
To improve the completeness of your response, ensure you fully address both sides of the argument, even if you are taking a clear stance. This shows a thorough understanding of the topic.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your ideas are generally clear, but to enhance clarity and persuasiveness, consider using more varied and advanced sentence structures. Additionally, concise paraphrasing of the prompt and clearer topic sentences could further improve the clarity of your essay.
relevant specific examples
While some examples are provided, integrating more varied and detailed examples can strengthen your argument and make your points more compelling. Aim for specific, realistic, and relevant examples that clearly support your thesis.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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