Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar which cause many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to enourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Many manufacturers
food
Change preposition
of food
show examples
and drink products contain high levels of sugar which
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
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health problems.
This
essay
disagree
Change the verb form
disagrees
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with the
with the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
statement above. In my opinion, If the product goes higher that does not mean people will stop
baying
Correct your spelling
buying
show examples
it they will continue using the products more and more.
for
Capitalize word
For
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example the price of cigarettes
change
Correct subject-verb agreement
changes
show examples
very often that doesn't stop people from buying it And cigarettes
Correct your spelling
cousins
cousis
Correct your spelling
cause
so many health problems and people get sick and
died
Wrong verb form
die
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, for the time
being
Add a comma
being,
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some young children are addicted to sugar in general and they can't live without it
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
because of their parents who
allows
Correct subject-verb agreement
allow
show examples
them to buy it
Submitted by waleedal3ayed on

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task achievement
Introduce your essay with a clear thesis statement that presents your main argument. A robust introduction sets the stage for the reader.
task achievement
Ensure to cover both sides of the argument before stating your position, to demonstrate a thorough understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Use paragraphs to organize your ideas. Each paragraph should have a single main idea, introduced by a topic sentence.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to conclude your essay with a summary of your points and a restatement of your position. This helps to round off your argument clearly.
coherence cohesion
Incorporate a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to make your writing more engaging and to demonstrate your language skills.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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