IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

In order to solve traffic problems should tax private car owners heavily and use the money to improve public transportation. What are the advantages and disadvantages of such a solution? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

#traffic #tax #car #owners #money #transportation
Nowadays,
traffic
 is one of the major issues in almost
countries
Correct determiner usage
all countries
show examples
. There is a debate about putting
taxes
 on private
car
 owners
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
to enhance public transportation. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will discuss the reasons why there are benefits and drawbacks of
this
 action. The benefit of additional
taxes
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 private vehicles is greatly helpful to
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 because
this
 helps improve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public transportation by adding infrastructures
such
 as roads, bridges, railways, and tunnels that will reduce
traffic
 congestion,
road
Correct word choice
and road
show examples
 accidents and promote convenience to consumers.
For instance
, if there are wider
road
Fix the agreement mistake
roads
show examples
 and alternative routes there will be
decrease
Correct article usage
a decrease
show examples
 in
traffic
 volume and
traffic
 accidents.
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 the maintenance of the
infrastructures
Fix the agreement mistake
infrastructure
show examples
 will be addressed because there is funding from private
car
taxes
.
On the other hand
, there are more disadvantages of paying high
taxes
 for personal
car
 owners just to have the solution to
traffic
jam
Fix the agreement mistake
jams
show examples
.
This
 is an extra
expenses
Correct the article-noun agreement
expense
show examples
 and burden for those who own vehicles.
This
 will force them to either sell the
car
 or stop using it.
Also
,
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
those who want to own a
car
 will have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
second thoughts
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
 purchasing
brand
Add an article
a brand
show examples
 new
car
 or even
Correct article usage
a second
show examples
second hand
Add a hyphen
second-hand
show examples
car
 because of the imposed
taxes
.
In addition
, travelling to far and secluded places without the use of their private cars is much harder and difficult because not all places have
accessed
Change the form of the verb
access
show examples
 to government roads.
Moreover
, the automobile businesses like
car
 rentals, will definitely slow down
due to
 less consumer of their product. In summary, in order to lessen the
traffic
 problem, the public sector should find another solution aside from taking heavy
taxes
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 private
car
 owners because many
consideration
Fix the agreement mistake
considerations
show examples
involved
Add a missing verb
are involved
show examples
 in
this
 matter.
Submitted by jevilla1188 on

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Task Achievement
Use a more clear and structured introduction. Clearly state your thesis and outline the main points of discussion to provide a roadmap for the reader.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use more varied linking words and phrases to improve flow. This will help in connecting ideas more smoothly and enhancing the coherence of your essay.
Task Achievement
In the body paragraphs, develop your ideas more deeply. Include more detailed examples and analyze the implications of these examples. This will strengthen your arguments and make your response more complete.
Task Achievement
Ensure a balance in discussing both advantages and disadvantages. Develop both sides equally to provide a well-rounded essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on creating a stronger conclusion. Summarize the main points of discussion and reiterate your stance convincingly. This encapsulates your essay effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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