IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries schools have severe problems with student behaviour. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you sug?

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The
behaviour
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 of the
students
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 in a lot of
schools
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 from different countries is considered a very big issue to deal with. In my opinion, there are several causes for
this
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 problem
such
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 as getting bored.
Besides
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, different solutions have been provided for dealing with
this
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 tough issue will be discussed in
this
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 essay. on the one hand, most
students
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 over the world suffer from
the
Correct article usage
apply
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dissrubutive
Correct your spelling
disruptive
distributive
behaviour
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 at
schools
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. The main
reasons
Fix the agreement mistake
reason
show examples
 for
this
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 is that
students
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 come from different categories and standards of society levels.
In other words
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, the
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students
Change to a genitive case
student's
students'
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attitude
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attitudes
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 towards learning
ang
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and
 their
classmate
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classmates
show examples
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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vary
according to
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 their backgrounds and interests.
This
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 leads to debates between them in and out
the
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of the
show examples
 classroom. For
examble
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example
, some words are acceptable
between
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among
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 the the poor class in
the
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apply
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society
while
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 it is not allowed among the high class.
In addition
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, some
students
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 can not cope with the different types of subjects which lead them to misbehave and bother both their classmates and teachers.
On the other hand
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, many solutions can be used to deal with the
distrubutive
Correct your spelling
distributive
distribution
students
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.
Firstly
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,
Schools
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 should vary their activities so that the
students
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 are totally engaged with things that attract their interests. What I want to say is that
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schools's
Change the noun form
schools
show examples
 ought to cope with different styles of learning.
Secondly
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,
theb
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the
 parents should prevent any bad
behaviour
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 before it reaches
to
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apply
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school.
This
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is meant
Wrong verb form
means
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 that they should
encourge
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encourage
 and enhance
the
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apply
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good
behaviour
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 so that
students
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 automatically do it
where ever he
Correct your spelling
wherever they
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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.
Moreover
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, the
minstery
Correct your spelling
ministry
minister
mystery
 of
education
Capitalize word
Education
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 should deal strictly with any bad
behaviour
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 so that other
students
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 do not repeat it again.
To conclude
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, dealing with misbehaviour
student
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students
show examples
 can
de manged
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be managed
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.
Inspite
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In spite
 of having many problems, different solutions are taken
in
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into
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consedration
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consideration
 in order to solve
this
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 hard problem.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence to guide the reader.
coherence cohesion
Focus on developing a stronger link between your main arguments and your supporting examples.
coherence cohesion
Review and correct grammatical errors and typos to improve readability.
task achievement
Enhance your introduction by clearly stating the problems and your stance. Similarly, ensure your conclusion summarizes your main points effectively.
task achievement
Diversify your sentence structures and vocabulary to make your writing more engaging and to accurately convey complexity of ideas.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples to substantiate your arguments, making them more persuasive and targeted.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • parental guidance
  • influence of media
  • aggressive behavior
  • overcrowded classrooms
  • inadequate facilities
  • classroom management
  • conflict resolution
  • behavior education
  • parental involvement
  • reinforced at home
  • student psychology
  • learning environment
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