IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

You have reccently moved to another city but your bank has your old address and continues to send all the communication there. Write a letter to your bank Branch. In this letter mention: -Where you have moved? -What problem are you facing regarding the bank's communication? -What do you want them to do regarding old communication already sent to the wrong address.

#city #bank #address #communication #branch #-where #-what
Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing to you about
bank
Correct article usage
the bank
show examples
 branch ,so the bank sent to my old
address
 continues all the
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
show examples
however
, I already moved
another
Change preposition
to another
show examples
 country. I moved
Change preposition
to korea
show examples
korea
Change the capitalization
Korea
show examples
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 Seul, it was my dream city and, I
enter
Wrong verb form
entered
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
yonsein
Correct your spelling
yonsei
 university located in Seul.
Cause
Correct word choice
Because
show examples
 I was moved. There are
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
many
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
banks but, they say
my
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
all
communication
Correct pronoun usage
my communication
show examples
sent
Add a missing verb
is sent
show examples
 old
address
.
As well as
Rephrase
Also
show examples
, I can not
sent
Change the verb form
send
be sent
show examples
communication
 it is
problem
Correct article usage
a problem
show examples
. I want them to do regarding old
communication
 for deleted it and I can
I
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
open
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
address
 and I will have
new
Add an article
a new
show examples
address
 in Seul.
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 my home
located
Add a missing verb
is located
show examples
 near
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
yonsein university
Correct your spelling
Yonsein University
show examples
. And
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 am
student
Add an article
a student
show examples
. There are my
address
 is new and I won't
my
Add a missing verb
have my
show examples
 old
address
 sent to
communication
.
And the
Correct word choice
The
show examples
 communications return me
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because it is valuable
me
Change preposition
to me
show examples
 especially
it
Correct word choice
if it
show examples
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
will be my mother's and
families
Change noun form
family's
show examples
letter
Fix the agreement mistake
letters
show examples
return
Wrong verb form
returned
show examples
 it my new
address
. I ask
to
Correct pronoun usage
you to
show examples
sent
Wrong verb form
send
show examples
address
 my all the
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
show examples
.
Correct the word
Yours
show examples
Your
Correct your spelling
Yours
show examples
 faithfully, La Lisa,
Submitted by soglomovsarvar on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Try to organize your ideas more clearly with separate paragraphs for each point.
content
Ensure that each paragraph contains one main idea and a few sentences that explain or support it.
coherence
Use transitional phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
grammar
Check for and correct grammatical errors to enhance the clarity of your message.
task response
Make your request and the details about it (e.g., new address) clear early in the letter.
content
You effectively communicated the main issue and what you want the bank to do.
tone
Your polite tone is suitable for the context of writing to a bank.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: