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Writing Samples
Band 5

The line graph shows the information average number of visitors entering a museum in summer and winter in 2003. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

The line graph shows the information average number of visitors entering a museum in summer and winter in 2003. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant
The data presents information regarding
attendance
Correct article usage
the attendance
show examples
 of museum-goers in the United Kingdom every
summer
Use synonyms
 and winter in the year 2005.
Overall
Linking Words
, it shows that there are more
visitors
Use synonyms
 during the hot
season
Use synonyms
 compared to the cold months. Regardless of the
season
Use synonyms
, it is noted that there is a peak of
visitors
Use synonyms
 at 12 o clock compared to any
hours
Fix the agreement mistake
hour
show examples
 of the day with the highest count at 1,400 during
summer
Use synonyms
 and 600
people
Use synonyms
 during winter.
In addition
Linking Words
,
afternoons
Change preposition
on afternoons
show examples
 during
summer
Use synonyms
, there is a steady decrease of
people
Use synonyms
 until 4pm
then
Linking Words
 a drop
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
visitors
Use synonyms
 up to 6pm.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there is a huge difference when compared with sunny months. Their highest visitor count is at 600
people
Use synonyms
 and unlike the former
season
Use synonyms
,
visitors
Use synonyms
 usually drop from noon and only until 3pm. In conclusion, there are a lot of
visitors
Use synonyms
 coming in during
summer
Use synonyms
 than winter.
However
Linking Words
, regardless of
season
Use synonyms
, the trend of
people
Use synonyms
 coming in is the same with a peak at 12
o clock
Correct your spelling
o'clock
 declines after.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words summer, visitors, season, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "drop" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Line graph
  • Average number of visitors
  • Museum
  • Summer
  • Winter
  • Trends
  • Peaks
  • Lows
  • Month-by-month analysis
  • Increases
  • Decreases
  • Stability
  • Attendance
  • Comparisons
  • Disparity
  • Similarity
  • Concluding figures
  • Key findings
  • Notable
  • Surprising
  • Expected outcomes
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