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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#university #students #subjects #addition #time #attention #qualification
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Some graduates argue that learning more
subjects
Use synonyms
 than their main courses is important to them,
although
Linking Words
 others believe they
are suppose
Change the verb form
are supposed
show examples
 to pay all attention to get a certificate. I think fighting for a qualification means a lot, but university
students
Use synonyms
 should be encouraged to study other
subjects
Use synonyms
in addition
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 to their main
subjects
Use synonyms
. There are some university
students
Use synonyms
 thinking they need to learn additional
subjects
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 because
this
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 can help them consider things comprehensively and
then
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 enable them to cope with complex
problems
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 in daily life.
Problems
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 we want to solve in daily life are always complex and it is difficult to resolve them with
knowledge
Use synonyms
what
Correct word choice
that
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 comes from only
an
Correct determiner usage
one
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 area. Studying
variety
Add an article
a variety
the variety
show examples
 of
subjects
Use synonyms
 allows
students
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 to be rich
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
knowledge
Use synonyms
 in many domains, which makes solving difficult
problems
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 easier for them.
For instance
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,
students
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 may need
knowledge
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from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 engineering and physics to repair their electrical
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
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.
However
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, other graduates feel that getting a qualification is more important for them.
in
Capitalize word
In
show examples
this
Linking Words
 way, they can do well in their major and have something to show how good they are, which allows them to be more possible to find a
job
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. Nowadays it is more and more difficult for
students
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 to find a good
job
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 after graduating. A certificate can prove their ability and make an impression on companies.
this
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 will lead to a higher likelihood
getting
Change preposition
of getting
show examples
 a
job
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.
For example
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, a
student
Add the auxiliary verb
student has
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been major
Wrong verb form
majoring
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 in law
who
Correct word choice
and
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pass
Correct subject-verb agreement
passes
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 the LLM is more
probable
Correct word choice
likely
show examples
 to get a
job
Use synonyms
 than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
one who
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not have
this
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 qualification. In my opinion, studying other
subjexts
Correct your spelling
subjects
in addition
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 to major
subjects
Use synonyms
 is more essential to
students
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 because
this
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 can be a cause of satisfying the
require
Replace the word
requirements
show examples
 of
world
Correct article usage
the world
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. At present, the world
ask
Change the verb form
asks
show examples
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people who have
knowledge
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 in
different
Add an article
a different
show examples
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
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 to
sovle diffivult
Correct your spelling
solve difficult
problems
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, Google wants its employees
konwing
Correct your spelling
knowing
 things about
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 and management. So if
students
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 learn more
subjects
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, they can
habe
Correct your spelling
have
knowledge
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 both from their major and other majors, which enables them to satisfy their potential employers and be successful in the future.
To sum up
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, some may believe having a certification is more essential to them, but
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 should study additional
subjects
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 as many as
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 can.
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Task Achievement
For task achievement, aim to develop your arguments with clearer, more comprehensive ideas. Focus on fully answering the prompt by discussing both sides equally and providing a more detailed analysis of your own viewpoint. Seek to include more specific examples to support each of your points, enhancing the depth and relevance of your essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
To strength coherence and cohesion, consider organizing your ideas more logically, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear main idea and flows smoothly into the next. Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to help connect ideas more effectively. Additionally, include a distinct introduction and conclusion to frame your essay properly and reinforce your arguments.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
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