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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

the chart below shows the percentage of people accessing news via different media in one countr in 2013, 2015 and 2017

the chart below shows the percentage of people accessing news via different media in one countr in 2013, 2015 and 2017
#percentage #people #news #media #countr
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The bar chart illustrates the information
on
Change preposition
apply
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people get
news
Use synonyms
 from the various media in the unknown country in three different periods 2013, 2015 and 2017.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 television was the most popular
Use synonyms
news providing
Add a hyphen
news-providing
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 mode of media than others. In detail, in terms of television, it had just below four-fifths of
Population
Correct article usage
the Population
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 watched
then
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 was reduced considerably by around 68
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 in 2015,
then
Linking Words
 there was a slight increase in 2017, at 70 per cent. In 2013,
Correct article usage
the Newspaper
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Newspaper
Change noun form
Newspaper's
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 way of
news
Use synonyms
 had.just above
two-fifhs
Correct your spelling
two-fifths
while
Linking Words
 Radio and
Correct article usage
the internet
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internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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 were equally popular, which accounts for almost 32%.
Similarly
Linking Words
, In 2015, Radio mode of accessing
news
Use synonyms
 had the same proportions in newspapers and Ratio, at 30 per cent. Surprisingly, there was a
remain
Wrong verb form
remained
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 unchanged in Radio
news
Use synonyms
 in both periods in 2015 and 2017
,.
Change the punctuation
,
.
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which accounts for 30%.
In contrast
Linking Words
, in terms of
internet
Add an article
the internet
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, in 2013,
this
Linking Words
 was
day
Add an article
a day
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 almost 31%, following the given period it
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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increased slightly by
two-fiths
Correct your spelling
two-fifths
two-faiths
, surprisingly there was a dramatic
grow
Replace the word
growth
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 in 2017, which was around 69%.
Submitted by reanudeepan on

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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the sixth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words news with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the sixth paragraph.
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