Many young people today spend a lot of time playing electronic game. Is this a positive or negative development?

#people #time #game #development

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In the modern world,

network

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networks

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and electronic

game

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games

show examples

development

Replace the word

developed

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year

Add a comma

year,

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so many adults is spend a lot of

time

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show examples

this thing

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these things

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, it is development is negative for all

people

and

country

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countries

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because if in one country

teenage

Correct your spelling

teenagers

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spend

differently

Change the word

different

show examples

game

their

time

, in

this

urban almost every player

people

will be physically ill and their has

eyes

problem. Young

people

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are

show examples

using

from

Change preposition

apply

show examples

Add an article

the phone

a phone

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phone

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phones

show examples

in the world. They are

using

Wrong verb form

used

show examples

for

differently

Change the adverb

different

show examples

things

for

Add the comma(s)

, for

show examples

example,

learn

Fix the infinitive

to learn

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other language

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another language

other languages

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, speak with

friend

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friends

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and family members and

another

Correct quantifier usage

others

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however

, nowadays adults

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are

show examples

using

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

bad games

especially

Add the comma(s)

, especially

show examples

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

electronic

game

Fix the agreement mistake

games

show examples

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

is position give

bad

Correct article usage

a bad

show examples

effect

Change preposition

show examples

their life and healthy.

Besides

that, almost all parents buy

phone

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phones

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and

computer

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computers

show examples

for their

children

. In my opinion, at the

time

parents

think

Wrong verb form

thought

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their

children

using only

call

Correct subject-verb agreement

calls

show examples

additionally

learn

differently

Change the adverb

different

show examples

things, books from

phone

but

teenager

Fix the agreement mistake

teenagers

show examples

interesting

Replace the word

interested

show examples

better electronic

game

Fix the agreement mistake

games

show examples

from

book

Fix the agreement mistake

books

show examples

so electronic

game

Fix the agreement mistake

games

show examples

Add a missing verb

are development

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development

Replace the word

developed

show examples

year

For instance

, if some young

people

play electronic

game

Fix the agreement mistake

games

show examples

, they can attract other

teenager

Fix the agreement mistake

teenagers

show examples

and

this

game

increase

Correct subject-verb agreement

increases

show examples

this

place. Young

people

think all

time

will be dependent

with

Change preposition

show examples

Add an article

the network

a network

show examples

network

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networks

show examples

in consequence they lose a lot of

time

and their

eyes

healthy

Add a missing verb

are healthy

show examples

. If we

watch

Verb problem

spend

show examples

time

Change preposition

show examples

phone

Change preposition

apply

show examples

one day, our

eyes

will be ill. Almost all

cluntryes

Correct your spelling

countries

increase

Wrong verb form

increasing

show examples

electronic

game

Fix the agreement mistake

games

show examples

so young

people

wearing

Wrong verb form

wear

show examples

spectacles but in our opinion, if one

children

Change to a singular noun

child

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wear glasses,

the

Correct pronoun usage

show examples

will read many

book

Change to a plural noun

books

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, he is very clever.

Moreover

people

Correct word choice

if people

show examples

played

Wrong verb form

play

show examples

game

Fix the agreement mistake

games

show examples

in their childhood, they will not find good

job

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jobs

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in the future

consequently

we have to read

book

Fix the agreement mistake

books

show examples

in our childhood,

need

Correct word choice

and need

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not electronic

game

Fix the agreement mistake

games

show examples

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

. As revealed by, all

people

have to take

knowledge

Add an article

a knowledge

show examples

or learned job their childhood

due to

it is situation give

good

Add an article

a good

show examples

effect in the future, they will be

rich

Add an article

a rich

show examples

man. In conclusion, young

people

us get

Wrong verb form

are

show examples

playing electronic

game

Fix the agreement mistake

games

show examples

from

Change preposition

show examples

Correct pronoun usage

their phone

show examples

phone

Fix the agreement mistake

phones

show examples

these day

Change the determiner

this day

these days

show examples

. From my

prospective

Correct your spelling

perspective

show examples

, parents

did

Wrong verb form

show examples

not buy

phone

Fix the agreement mistake

phones

show examples

for their

children

because

phone

Fix the agreement mistake

phones

show examples

give

Verb problem

have

show examples

bad

Correct article usage

a bad

show examples

effect

for

Change preposition

show examples

teenager's

Fix the agreement mistake

teenagers'

show examples

eyes

healthy

Replace the word

health

show examples

Submitted by soglomovsarvar on Sat Mar 23 2024

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coherence cohesion

Focus on structuring your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each part should serve its specific purpose: introduce the topic, expand on your arguments, and summarize your stance.

coherence cohesion

Use paragraphs effectively to organize your ideas. Start each paragraph with a topic sentence that indicates the main idea, followed by supporting sentences that elaborate on that idea.

coherence cohesion

Make sure your argument is easy to follow by linking your ideas logically. Use transition words such as 'however', 'furthermore', and 'in contrast' to show relationships between ideas.

task achievement

Address the task directly by answering the question asked. Ensure your essay has a clear stance on whether you believe the development is positive or negative, and support this with arguments and examples.

task achievement

Improve clarity by defining your ideas and viewpoints clearly. Avoid presenting vague notions; instead, use specific examples and explanations to support your arguments.

task achievement

Pay attention to grammar and accuracy to present your ideas more effectively. Consider practicing sentence structure, verb tenses, and punctuation to enhance the readability of your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
7
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
83
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

339 words

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Many young people today spend a lot of time playing electronic game. Is this a positive or negative development?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Waste disposal presents increasing problems, especially in urban areas. What do you think are the causes? Give some suggestions to the government and individuals on how to reduce the amount of rubbish.

Some people say that the governments should pay for health care and education but others think that this is not the government's responsibility.Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Some people work for the same company or organisation during their whole working life why I don't see is dead. It is better to work for different companies discuss both views and give your opinion.

A lot of people believe that the amount of violence shown on TV and in the cinema affects the actions of our young people and therefore increases the amount of violence in our society today. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? What can be done to reduce violence in our society today?

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?