Many young people today spend a lot of time playing electronic game. Is this a positive or negative development?
In the modern world,
network
and electronic Fix the agreement mistake
networks
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
development
Replace the word
developed
year
by year
so many adults is spend a lot of Add a comma
year,
time
to
Change preposition
on
this thing
, it is development is negative for all Fix the agreement mistake
these things
people
and country
because if in one country Fix the agreement mistake
countries
teenage
spend Correct your spelling
teenagers
differently
Change the word
different
game
their time
, in this
urban almost every player people
will be physically ill and their has eyes
problem.
Young people
is
using Change the verb form
are
from
Change preposition
apply
Add an article
the phone
a phone
phone
in the world. They are Fix the agreement mistake
phones
using
for Wrong verb form
used
differently
things Change the adverb
different
for
example, Add the comma(s)
, for
learn
Fix the infinitive
to learn
other language
, speak with Change the wording
another language
other languages
friend
and family members and Fix the agreement mistake
friends
another
, Correct quantifier usage
others
however
, nowadays adults is
using Change the verb form
are
for
bad games Change preposition
apply
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
for
electronic Change preposition
apply
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
it
is position give Correct pronoun usage
apply
bad
effect Correct article usage
a bad
to
their life and healthy. Change preposition
on
Besides
that, almost all parents buy phone
and Fix the agreement mistake
phones
computer
for their Fix the agreement mistake
computers
children
. In my opinion, at the time
parents think
their Wrong verb form
thought
children
using only call
Correct subject-verb agreement
calls
additionally
learn differently
things, books from Change the adverb
different
phone
but teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
interesting
better electronic Replace the word
interested
game
fromFix the agreement mistake
games
book
so electronic Fix the agreement mistake
books
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
Add a missing verb
are development
development
Replace the word
developed
year
by year
. For instance
, if some young people
play electronic game
, they can attract other Fix the agreement mistake
games
teenager
and Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
this
game
increase
in Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
this
place.
Young people
think all time
will be dependent with
Change preposition
on
Add an article
the network
a network
network
in consequence they lose a lot of Fix the agreement mistake
networks
time
and their eyes
healthy
. If we Add a missing verb
are healthy
watch
more Verb problem
spend
time
to
Change preposition
on
phone
at
one day, our Change preposition
apply
eyes
will be ill. Almost all cluntryes
Correct your spelling
countries
increase
electronic Wrong verb form
increasing
game
so young Fix the agreement mistake
games
people
wearing
spectacles but in our opinion, if one Wrong verb form
wear
children
wear glasses, Change to a singular noun
child
the
will read many Correct pronoun usage
he
book
, he is very clever. Change to a plural noun
books
Moreover
, people
Correct word choice
if people
played
Wrong verb form
play
game
in their childhood, they will not find good Fix the agreement mistake
games
job
in the future Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
consequently
we have to read book
in our childhood, Fix the agreement mistake
books
need
not electronic Correct word choice
and need
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
us
. As revealed by, all Correct pronoun usage
apply
people
have to take knowledge
or learned job their childhood Add an article
a knowledge
due to
it is situation give good
effect in the future, they will be Add an article
a good
rich
man.
In conclusion, young Add an article
a rich
people
us get
playing electronic Wrong verb form
are
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
from
Change preposition
on
Correct pronoun usage
their phone
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
these day
. From my Change the determiner
this day
these days
prospective
, parents Correct your spelling
perspective
did
not buy Wrong verb form
do
phone
for their Fix the agreement mistake
phones
children
because phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
give
Verb problem
have
bad
effect Correct article usage
a bad
for
Change preposition
on
teenager's
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers'
eyes
healthy
.Replace the word
health
Submitted by soglomovsarvar on
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coherence cohesion
Focus on structuring your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each part should serve its specific purpose: introduce the topic, expand on your arguments, and summarize your stance.
coherence cohesion
Use paragraphs effectively to organize your ideas. Start each paragraph with a topic sentence that indicates the main idea, followed by supporting sentences that elaborate on that idea.
coherence cohesion
Make sure your argument is easy to follow by linking your ideas logically. Use transition words such as 'however', 'furthermore', and 'in contrast' to show relationships between ideas.
task achievement
Address the task directly by answering the question asked. Ensure your essay has a clear stance on whether you believe the development is positive or negative, and support this with arguments and examples.
task achievement
Improve clarity by defining your ideas and viewpoints clearly. Avoid presenting vague notions; instead, use specific examples and explanations to support your arguments.
task achievement
Pay attention to grammar and accuracy to present your ideas more effectively. Consider practicing sentence structure, verb tenses, and punctuation to enhance the readability of your essay.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example