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Band 3.5

There is a controversial perspective heating up a debate over should the government give access to university education free for all students no matter what financial background they have? I don't partially uphold this idea.

#perspective #debate #government #access #university #education #students #matter #background #idea
Without a shadow of a doubt, the
government
 should not pay for it all because the budget is not enough
because
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it
also
 has to pay for many other aspects. Unlike the common belief that free
education
 may elevate
Correct article usage
the workforces’
show examples
workforces’
Change noun form
workforce’s
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 quality, factually, it may cause career-related problems. Because everyone will have a
university
 degree, the job market becomes intensely competitive. The unemployment rate is ever-increasing . Nowadays, big companies like BIG 4, KPMG, Deloitte and EY are recruiting employees based on degrees from prestigious universities. If everyone has the same
university
 degree, there will be no advantage over candidates, making it difficult for candidates to express themselves to get the job and position they want.
Thus
, the
government
 budget is not enough to pay
free
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
for
university
Correct article usage
a university
show examples
education
. Not only that, learners are not responsible for learning. If the
government
 pays them all, those who drop out of school and
slothful
Add a missing verb
are slothful
show examples
also
 benefit from it.
This
 will cause unfairness to responsible citizens. So the
government
 should let people pay for their own
education
 because studying will raise awareness and be more responsible for learning.
For example
, when going to college, parents are responsible for paying for their children's
education
 and their children will be more responsible in studying to match the amount of money spent.
Hence
, the
government
 should let people pay for their
education
. In conclusion, the
government
 should not fully pay for
university
education
 for all students regardless of their conditions.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

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coherence cohesion
To improve your logical structure, ensure a clear flow between paragraphs. Use transition words and phrases to better connect your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Include a more distinct introduction that clearly states your stance on the topic and outlines the main points to be discussed. The conclusion should also summarize your key arguments and restate your position more clearly.
coherence cohesion
To better support your main points, provide more varied and detailed examples. Link these examples directly to the points being made to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Ensure your essay fully addresses the task by covering all parts of the prompt. Include a balanced discussion weighing both sides of the argument or clearly explain your position with comprehensive reasoning.
task achievement
Enhance the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas by developing your points more thoroughly. Use specific examples and explanations to fully convey your position and reasoning.
task achievement
To strengthen your essay, incorporate more specific and relevant examples. These examples should clearly illustrate your points and show a deep understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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