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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph compares employment rates in three sectors of the economy, in the UK, 2000 - 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and making comparisons where relevant.

The graph compares employment rates in three sectors of the economy, in the UK, 2000 - 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and making comparisons where relevant.
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The graph shows information about the amount of three kinds of sectors of the economy (public
sector
Use synonyms
, private
sector
Use synonyms
, self-employed), which were rated over 10 years in the UK.
Overall
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, what stands out from the graph is that there were significant upward trends in the rate of both the public
sector
Use synonyms
 and self-employed.
In contrast
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, the scale of the private
sector
Use synonyms
 saw a considerable fall over the period in question. Another fascinating point is that the private
sector
Use synonyms
 was the most popular of the economy in 2000 but in 2010, the public
sector
Use synonyms
 rated more than the others. Looking at the details, as regards self-employed, the employment rate started at around 18% in 2000, after that there was a fluctuation over the next three years, at which point it levelled off at just under 17% until 2005.
Next,
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the figure went up by around 26%, and
then
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 the percentage finished at approximately 30% in 2010. If we look at the public
sector
Use synonyms
, the trend is similar. Having remained the same at 38% from 2000 to 2002,
following
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this
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 the proportion
then
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 improved considerably, reaching nearly 49% in 2005. Despite declining negligibly to 43% in 2006, it
then
Linking Words
 recovered to 52% in the
last
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 year.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the proportion of the private
sector
Use synonyms
 went in the opposite direction. The employment rate in the private
sector
Use synonyms
 started at 48% in 2000, but after that, there was a considerable drop to around 42% in 2002. Having remained unchanged for a year.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, the figure went down considerably in the
last
Linking Words
 8 years.
Submitted by Meganvandao on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words sector with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trends" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "went up" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "considerable" was used 4 times.
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