IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

You are interested in attending a training course abroad but require financial support to do so. Write a letter to the education department requesting financial assistance. ▪️Introduce yourself ▪️Describe the training course and how it would benefit your work ▪️Explain why you need financial assist ance.

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Dear Sir/Madam, My name is Keyhan Ebrahimi and I
am
Wrong verb form
have been
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 working in
ground
Correct article usage
the ground
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 handling (GH) department for about 10 years. I am writing to request
fund
Fix the agreement mistake
funds
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 in order to participate in
Dangerous
Correct article usage
the Dangerous
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 Goods (DG) course which will be held
on
Change preposition
in
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 Germany on
20th
Correct article usage
the 20th
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 of April. Self-evidently, as we are the only
operater
Correct your spelling
operator
 of DG and provide service to various airlines it is recommended for us to be trained in DG handling
due to
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 the international
organizations'requirements
Correct your spelling
organizations requirements
.
Although
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, we know how to handle these materials, we need a certificate to hand over when we are being audited by those organizations.
Therefore
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, I would like to take part in
this
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 course so that there will not be a finding in forthcoming inspections. As a matter of fact, my personal budget is
limitted
Correct your spelling
limited
 and I would like you as an education department
support
Fix the infinitive
to support
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 me financially to achieve
this
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 goal in order to improve our
servicing
Replace the word
service
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along with
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 our company's reputation. Thank you in advance for considering my letter and I am available for
further
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 information if needed. sincerely yours Keyhan Ebrahimi

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single idea or aspect of your request for financial assistance. While your letter generally follows this advice, further refinement and clarification in each paragraph can enhance the clarity and impact of your message.
Coherence and Cohesion
Begin your letter with a proper greeting, such as 'Dear [specific title of the person or department]' if known, to personalize your letter and capture the recipient's attention. Closing your letter, your sign-off 'sincerely yours' is appropriate, but ensure consistency in capitalization ('Sincerely yours,').
Task Achievement
Provide a more detailed explanation of how the training course is directly relevant to your role and how it will benefit your work and the organization. Mention specific skills you hope to gain or improve that are critical for handling dangerous goods.
Task Achievement
Adopt a slightly more formal tone by avoiding casual expressions and ensuring that your request is presented politely but confidently. Phrases such as 'I would like you as an education department support me financially' could be rephrased for clarity and formality.
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