People spend large amounts of time and money on clothes, hairstyles and make up to change their appearance. Is it important for people to be concerned about the way they look? What are the consequences of focussing on physical appearance? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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a person's appearance affects how

others

Use synonyms

think about you and the way they view themselves. Nowadays, a huge amount of money is spent on a person's look. I think it consumes a lot of time and money. In

this

Linking Words

essay, I will discuss

should

Correct word choice

whether should

show examples

people

Use synonyms

worry about their physical images and the effect it has on them.

firstly

Linking Words

people

Use synonyms

treat

others

Use synonyms

base

Wrong verb form

based

show examples

on what they wear, which brand or designer. They

distingush

Correct your spelling

distinguish

your social class based on that.

As a result

Linking Words

people

Use synonyms

can buy something they don't need or can even afford in order to feel that they are fit among

others

Use synonyms

Secondly

Linking Words

, some

people

Use synonyms

change how they look, they change their haircut or colour,

although

Linking Words

those changes might not match their personality. surely, it doesn't matter how

others

Use synonyms

think about you as long as you are confident.

Therefore

Linking Words

people

Use synonyms

should focus more on what they have, they should embrace themselves, rather than listen to negative

comment

Fix the agreement mistake

comments

show examples

. Thinking of

Use synonyms

others

Change noun form

others'

other's

show examples

atitude

Correct your spelling

attitudes

can put a huge burden on personal emotions. One

spend

Change the verb form

spends

show examples

a lot of money on a piece of cloth or jewellery in favour of other basic life needs.

Moreover

Linking Words

, it can lead to serious mental health issues,

such

Linking Words

as anxiety or even worse

Change preposition

apply

show examples

depression.

For example

Linking Words

, someone

stop

Change the verb form

stops

show examples

eating

as a consequence

Linking Words

of someone saying "You're fat".

Others

Use synonyms

can even make themselves vomit intentionally if they think that they ate too much. in conclusion, society should not listen to harsh comments. They should

proud

Add a missing verb

be proud

show examples

what

Change preposition

of what

show examples

they got already. The community must respect

different

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

Use synonyms

others

Change noun form

others'

other's

show examples

images and provide support for those who really need to change.

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task achievement

To improve task response, ensure that your essay fully addresses all parts of the question. While you touch on why people might focus on their appearance and some consequences, including more specific examples and a wider range of arguments would strengthen your response. For a higher score, consider both sides of the argument and use real-life examples to support your points.

coherence cohesion

Your essay demonstrates a basic structure but lacks transitions between ideas, making it less coherent. To improve, use connecting words and phrases to link sentences and paragraphs. This will help your essay flow more logically from one idea to the next. Also, consider creating a more detailed plan before you start writing to ensure a clear structure is in place.

coherence cohesion

Pay attention to accuracy and appropriateness of language. Your essay contains grammatical errors and informal language that detract from its overall clarity and effectiveness. To enhance your score, work on improving your grammatical accuracy and vocabulary range. For instance, pay careful attention to subject-verb agreement, correct usage of articles, and avoiding colloquial expressions. Revising your work for errors before submission can also help.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

267 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Aesthetic appeal
Body image
Consumer culture
Grooming habits
Personal identity
Professional demeanor
Psychological well-being
Self-esteem
Social comparison
Societal standards

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