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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think all university student should study whatever they like. Others believe that they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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A group of individuals assume that university students should pursue their interests by studying what they prefer,
while
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 others maintain that they should be forced to study majors that can give
the
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them
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 pros in the future.
For
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From
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 my point of view, the second idea is the best choice, reasons will be outlined. On the one hand, it suggested that if students follow what they are interested
during
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in during
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 education, there is more opportunity to become accomplished. In
this
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 regard, research findings confirm that the efficiency of students who find their field of study satisfactory is nearly twice as much as that of those who are compelled to pursue a major in higher education.
Furthermore
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, by studying a fond subject, learners face fewer challenges, which
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
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motivation
Correct pronoun usage
them motivation
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.
Thus
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, if they faced difficulties, they would pass them and obtain strong credentials.
For example
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,
according to
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 NU, 80% of their participants,
ready
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are ready
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 to
expend
Verb problem
spend
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 about 8 hours
for
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apply
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studying, when unappealing results are obtained.
On the other hand
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, another group believe that
the
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apply
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governments should enforce strict laws,
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as
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and as
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 a
result
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result,
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it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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bans
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ban
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 studying in certain research areas. It means that they insist that dedicating funds
as well as
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 spending time on some fields,
such
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 as history, is a complete waste of resources and time
,
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apply
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 since they fail to improve the next generations’ standards of living.
Nevertheless
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, I think that
that
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apply
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it is not
convincing
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a convincing
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 argument.
For instance
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, as
it
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apply
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believed
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is believed
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 in history, is full of valuable life lessons
have
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that have
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 been passed through
out
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our
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of
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apply
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ancestors.
Therefore
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, everybody should take full benefit of it by encouraging young people to gain in-depth knowledge in
this
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 field at universities, which can broaden researchers' horizons to explore unknown domains in the future.
To sum up
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, in my view, individuals
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 obtain
knowledges
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knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
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 from universities should not be restricted to
study
Wrong verb form
studying
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 only certain fields. Studying beloved subjects not only can boost their performance but
also
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 may open the doors to novel discoveries.

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Vocabulary
Consider varying your vocabulary more to avoid repetition and make your arguments more impactful.
Examples
Aim for more clarity and precision in your examples. Specific, real-world examples enhance the persuasiveness of your argument.
Sentence Structure
Pay attention to sentence structure to ensure clarity and readability. Complex sentence structures are excellent but require careful handling to maintain coherence.
Conclusion
Work on developing a clearer, more direct conclusion that succinctly summarizes your viewpoint and the reasons for it.
Task Response
The essay presents a balanced view, discussing both perspectives before stating a personal opinion.
Coherence
Good logical flow of ideas, making the essay easy to follow.
Cohesion
You have introduced and concluded your essay effectively, which frames your argument well.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Motivation
  • Well-rounded education
  • Critical thinking
  • Job markets
  • Economic demand
  • Skilled workers
  • Practical application
  • Innovation
  • Societal progress
  • Passion
  • Pragmatism
  • Future job prospects
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