IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

People's shopping habits depend more on the age group they belong to than on other factors. To what extent you agree or disagree?

#people #habits #age #group #factors
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Shopping habits are one of the most important factors
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 buying
a products
Correct the article-noun agreement
a product
products
show examples
.
People
 might want to buy a product more if they think
people
 from the same generation are
intrested
Correct your spelling
interested
 in that product. I am going to
disguss
Correct your spelling
discuss
 why I agree with
this
 theory in
this
 essay. Identifying
buyer's
Correct article usage
a buyer's
show examples
 need is a very important factor
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
sales
Correct article usage
the sales
show examples
 of
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 item. The reason products get more attention from certain age groups is that folks get to know a new product from friends and family with close age
difference
Fix the agreement mistake
differences
show examples
.
For
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 it is unlikely to hear about a worthy purchase from your grandparents
while
 you don'
t
 share the same interests. In some stages of
life
Add a comma
life,
show examples
people
 can care more about what it is expected to use or buy rather than what they crave.
Teenage
Correct article usage
The teenage
show examples
 years are some of the challenging years for anyone to don'
t
 listen to trends and
hypes
Fix the agreement mistake
hype
show examples
, and
this
 will cause teens to buy items they don'
t
 really want.
Despit
Correct your spelling
Despite
 all these examples you can sometimes find smart buyers who don'
t
 listen to these false consumer
advertismentes
Correct your spelling
advertisements
 and only buy what they need but it is mostly a very rare trait for anyone. All in all, it isn'
t
 surprising to see
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 items from
purchasing
Correct article usage
the purchasing
show examples
 list of
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 age groups. I am certain that some of these habits exist and very few
people
 pay attention to
damages
Correct article usage
the damages
show examples
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 habits might have.
Submitted by houmannoraste80 on

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Introduction/Conclusion Structure
Ensure you have a clear introduction and conclusion. They should clearly state your position on the topic and neatly summarize your main points.
Cohesion
Use a wider variety of linking phrases to improve the flow between ideas and paragraphs. This will enhance coherence.
Task Achievement
Support your main points with more detailed examples. Specific, relevant examples strengthen your argument and make your essay more convincing.
Grammar
Correct minor grammatical errors and ensure sentences are well-constructed. This improves readability and overall effectiveness.
Development of Ideas
Expand ideas further by analyzing reasons behind shopping habits beyond peer influence, such as cultural or socio-economic factors.
Tone
Maintain a formal tone throughout your essay and avoid casual language. This makes your essay more appropriate for an academic or formal context.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumption patterns
  • digital natives
  • e-commerce
  • brick-and-mortar stores
  • target demographic
  • disposable income
  • consumer behavior
  • market segmentation
  • purchasing power
  • retail therapy
  • brand loyalty
  • impulse buying
  • price-sensitive
  • cross-generational
What to do next:
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