IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The responsibility to prevent global environmental damage is on politicians rather than individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#responsibility #damage #politicians #individuals
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Intro: It is considered that politicians should be those who
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 responsible for solving issues related to
global
Add an article
the global
show examples
 environment
instead
Linking Words
 of regular persons. I totally agree for the
next
Correct word choice
following
show examples
 reasons. First of all,
people
Use synonyms
 involved
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 politics have more power.
This
Linking Words
 is simply because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 they have more resources
such
Linking Words
 as money and the connection with other authority
people
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, if a regular individual
propose
Change the verb form
proposes
show examples
 to install a filtration system
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 some factory, they need to overcome a long chain of bureaucracy to convey the value of
this
Linking Words
 idea and perform
this
Linking Words
,
in contrast
Linking Words
 to Donald Trump who can make a few calls and solve
this
Linking Words
 task within 10 minutes. As a short result, plenty of existing problems that harm our nature could be cured
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 a supersonic speed, and, eventually, 10 years later we could
peacefuly
Correct your spelling
peacefully
 live in harmony with nature in a clean world.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 make politics are well known all around the world and have millions of fans, so they can affect more
people
Use synonyms
 with certain ideas. The source of their popularity might be media structures that can advertise them or represent
in
Correct pronoun usage
them in
show examples
 news chronicles.
For example
Linking Words
, there is an idea to collect 1 billion
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
dollars to save pandas. It is easier to do that via George Baiden who can ask
people
Use synonyms
 using TV to donate money,
in contrast
Linking Words
 to
unknown
Add an article
an unknown
the unknown
show examples
 citizen of Vancouver Adam who can ask the same. As a quick
outcome
Add a comma
outcome,
show examples
 more members of global society could be involved
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
participation
Add an article
the participation
show examples
 of
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
certain environmental
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
show examples
.
Finally
Linking Words
, we can get
enormous
Change the article
an enormous
the enormous
show examples
 number of highly motivated and united
people
Use synonyms
 to solve any problem. In conclusion, politicians
poses
Verb problem
possess
show examples
 great power to help us overcome
environmetal
Correct your spelling
environmental
challenge
Fix the agreement mistake
challenges
show examples
 of any kind.
Additionally
Linking Words
, they can influence mass
people
Use synonyms
 just within 10 minutes
using
Change preposition
of using
show examples
 the television.
Submitted by alexey.denisiuk on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear thesis statement is provided in the introduction that outlines your main points. This will make your essay more focused and coherent.
coherence cohesion
Use a variety of linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay. While your essay already features good cohesion, diversifying your connectors can enhance readability.
task achievement
To score higher in task achievement, deepen your analysis and provide more detailed examples. Explaining the implications of your examples can add depth to your arguments.
task achievement
Consider counterarguments to your main points to show a balanced consideration of the topic. This can enrich your essay and demonstrate critical thinking skills.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: