IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays, many people change jobs quite regularly, rather than working in the company for their entire careers. Why do you think this is happening? How can companies keep their workers?

#people #change #jobs #company #careers #companies #workers
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Most individuals prefer to change their workplaces rather than stay in just only one company throughout their occupation life in these times.
This
 essay will discuss the main causes of
this
 situation including constant salary and lack of promotion.
This
 essay will
also
 suggest solutions to these problems including
to provide
Change the verb form
providing
show examples
 rewards and higher salaries.
To begin
 with, one of the essential factors that causes job changes
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 workers is
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
show examples
 of high salaries. Earning is almost the most motivating component for employees. As time goes by, staff can purchase better life
such
 as better clothes, more expensive food or larger houses.
As a result
, they are looking for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
jobs which
offers
Correct subject-verb agreement
offer
show examples
 much
more
Correct word choice
higher
show examples
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
 to provide all their needs.
Moreover
,
staff
Add an article
the staff
show examples
 wants
promotion
Add an article
a promotion
show examples
 and higher status after a period of time they work. When these demands
have
Verb problem
are
show examples
 not
provided
Verb problem
met
show examples
 by
company
Correct article usage
the company
show examples
 or organisation, employees start to change their
occupation
Fix the agreement mistake
occupations
show examples
 regularly. To
adress
Correct your spelling
address
this
 nuisance, several solutions are available. In
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 circumstances, it is inevitable for managers to raise staff’s status and salary.
For instance
, if
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 status of
employee
Correct article usage
an employee
show examples
 is converted from “junior accountant” to “senior accountant”, or workers get rewards
as a result
 of success from given obligations, that workplace will become indispensable for them.
Furthermore
, directors or managers should
take
Verb problem
apply
show examples
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
endeavor
such
 as to make workers not
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
lose
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 motivation
such
 as taking them to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
breakfast, or
to provide
Change the verb form
providing
show examples
 some training courses
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 them.
To sum up
, there are obvious reasons why work staff change their occupation places frequently.
However
, different solutions are suggested to resolve
this
 complication above. In my opinion,
clarifications
Correct article usage
the clarifications
show examples
 mentioned above are suitable.
Submitted by nuranemelikova296 on

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Task Response
To improve Task Response, ensure that all aspects of the question are addressed fully. Expand your argument by adding more specific examples to support your points. Consider incorporating both the reasons for job changes and the solutions companies can employ, with equal depth.
Coherence and Cohesion
For Coherence and Cohesion, work on the logical flow of ideas throughout your essay. Use a range of cohesive devices effectively, ensuring they enhance rather than detract from clarity. Paragraphs should be clearly divided, with each representing a unique main idea.
Supported Main Points
To flesh out your Supported Main Points, include more detailed and varied examples or data. This will help to substantiate your claims and make them more convincing. Also, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to keep your argument coherent.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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