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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The graphs show figures relating to hours worked and stress levels amongst professionals in eight groups. Describe the information shown to a university or college lecturer. 
Write at least 150

The graphs show figures relating to hours worked and stress levels amongst professionals in eight groups. Describe the information shown to a university or college lecturer. 
Write at least 150
#graphs #show #figures #hours #stress #levels #professionals #eight #groups #information #university #college #lecturer
There are two graphs.
Firstly
, the bar graph depicts the information about
mean
Add an article
the mean
a mean
show examples
 of worked
hours
 among 8 different professions.
On the other hand
, the second graph corresponds to a pie chart that illustrates health issues
due to
 high
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 of stress measured in percentages.
Overall
, business managers and movie producers were those who worked most
hours
 with an average of 70 and 60 per week, respectively. In comparison
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
lecturers
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
showed the lowest quantity of approximately 25
hours
 and chefs
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
30.
Additionaly
Correct your spelling
Additionally
,
according to
 the pie chart lecturers were
who
Correct determiner usage
those who
show examples
 most presented illness related to stress,
however
,
this
 result is totally contrary to those
hours
 that were worked by them because its rate was the lowest. The second highest percentage was
showd
Correct your spelling
shown
showed
 among
doctor
Fix the agreement mistake
doctors
show examples
 with a value
stimated
Correct your spelling
estimated
 de in 15%.
Besides
, 11% of
bussiness
Correct your spelling
business
 workers suffered a disease.
Finally
, programmers and writers were the groups with
less
Correct word choice
the lowest
show examples
 rate of disorders.
Submitted by luciaagudelomotta on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words hours with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graphs" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • analogy
  • correlation
  • data-driven
  • discernible trends
  • discrepancy
  • empirical evidence
  • fluctuations
  • longitudinal study
  • meticulously
  • percentile
  • predominantly
  • quantitative analysis
  • spectrum
  • statistical significance
  • threshold
  • variances
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