IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some employers want to be able to contact their staff at all times, even during holidays. Does this trend offer more benefits than drawbacks?

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In today's fast-paced business environment, some
employers
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 demand constant communication with their
staff
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, even during
holidays
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.
This
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 essay will explore whether
this
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 trend presents more benefits than drawbacks. One potential advantage of
this
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 constant communication is the ability to address urgent matters promptly. In some industries, time-sensitive issues may arise, and having access to
employees
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 during
holidays
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 can be crucial for problem-solving and minimizing damage to the
company
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.
For instance
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, a cybersecurity breach in a tech
company
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 may require immediate attention from the IT team, regardless of whether they are on holiday.
However
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, the disadvantages of
this
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 trend seem to outweigh the benefits.
Firstly
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, the constant expectation of availability can lead to increased stress levels and burnout among
employees
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.
Holidays
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 are meant to provide a much-needed break, allowing
employees
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 to recharge and maintain their mental and physical health. By interrupting their time off,
employers
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 risk damaging
staff
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 morale and well-being, which may lead to decreased productivity in the long run.
Secondly
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,
this
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 practice can negatively impact employee retention. A poor work-life balance is a common reason for
employees
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 to seek alternative employment. By requiring
staff
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 to be available during
holidays
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,
employers
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 may inadvertently contribute to a high turnover rate, which can be costly and disruptive to the organization.
Lastly
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,
this
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 trend could undermine the development of a
company
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 culture that values trust and autonomy. A successful business environment should encourage
employees
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 to take responsibility for their work and make decisions independently. By insisting on constant contact,
employers
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 may inadvertently create a culture of micromanagement, which could stifle creativity and innovation. In conclusion,
while
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 there may be some advantages to
employers
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 maintaining contact with their
staff
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 during
holidays
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, the drawbacks are more significant. Companies should prioritize employee well-being, retention, and
a
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apply
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healthy
company
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 culture by respecting their
employees
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' personal time and allowing them to enjoy their
holidays
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 without interruption.

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that your essay has a clear, logical structure. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea, with sentences smoothly transitioning from one to the next. Use linking words and phrases to connect ideas across paragraphs and within them. Consider revisiting the structure of your essay to ensure a more cohesive flow of ideas.
task achievement
Your essay has a good attempt at responding to the task, but you could enhance it by providing a more balanced argument with an equal emphasis on both the benefits and drawbacks. Also, work on developing your examples further to directly support your main points. This specificity will enhance the completeness of your response and make your ideas more compelling.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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