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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that success in life comes from ard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Dicuss both views and give your opinion

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Introduction
A small number of
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 believe that working hard and consideration are the
life
Use synonyms
success
Use synonyms
 key.
While
Linking Words
 others just that finance and appearance
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 the key to
get
Change the verb form
getting
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 achieve in
life
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 author will explain both views and will give my own opinion.
Body · 1
Looking at the
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worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
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 who depend on
try
Wrong verb form
trying
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 hard and hard
working
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
 the achievement that they get will
longer
Add a missing verb
be longer
show examples
 and stranger than the others. It is conclusion that the most vital characterize that they will get after a long time of working is the huge number of work
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
,
life
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 experiment
Body · 2
which can help the
worker
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 solve their job issue in the most rapid way.
However
Linking Words
, the lack of
money
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 and achievement
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 one of the most
Correct word choice
common problem
show examples
problem
Change to a plural noun
problems
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 that can cause a wide range of
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
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 in the begin time and
also
Linking Words
 in the way of
improve
Replace the word
improvement
show examples
 in
job
Add an article
the job
a job
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 if the
worker
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have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 no talented or beautiful skill
Body · 3
On the other
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hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
look
Wrong verb form
looking
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 into the people who believe
money
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 and appearance
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 the
life
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success
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 key it can be
conclusion
Add an article
a conclusion
the conclusion
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 that at the
begin
Replace the word
beginning
show examples
time
Add a comma
time,
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 the ability
of
Replace the preposition
to
show examples
 get
coworker
Fix the agreement mistake
coworkers
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 attraction and improve in
job
Correct pronoun usage
their job
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are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 far higher than the other
lead
Fix the agreement mistake
leads
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 they can
get
Verb problem
achieve
show examples
life
Use synonyms
success
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 in the most rapid way.
However
Linking Words
, if the
worker
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 just
depend
Change the verb form
depends
show examples
 on finance, the lack
Change preposition
of experiences
show examples
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
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 and work
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 are a big trouble
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
lead
Wrong verb form
leading
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 to
this
Linking Words
 type of
worker
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 approximately end up with failure when the
money
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is ran
Wrong verb form
runs
show examples
 out
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
.
Conclusion
Conclusion
Change preposition
In conclusion
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 it can be seen that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 both of depend on consideration or
money
Use synonyms
 to
success
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 in
life
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 have their positive and negative face. But
this
Linking Words
 author
approve
Correct subject-verb agreement
approves
show examples
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the first stage which can help us keep and recognize what we get and can love our
life
Use synonyms
 achievement

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task achievement
Your essay discusses both views as instructed, which is good for task achievement. However, your ideas need to be more developed and supported with specific examples to fully address the prompt. Try to include more detailed examples that directly relate to your points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay could benefit from more careful planning to ensure a clear logical progression of ideas. Aim to have a clear topic sentence for each paragraph that outlines the main idea, followed by supporting sentences that develop that idea.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, which is positive. However, they could be more clearly written to directly address the task and clearly state your opinion. Consider revising them to be more direct and explicit about your viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, make sure each paragraph focuses on one main idea, and use cohesive devices effectively to link your ideas. These can include conjunctions, pronouns, and synonyms to ensure your essay flows naturally from one point to the next.
general
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and variety in your sentences to make your essay more readable and professional. Errors and awkward phrasing can detract from the clarity of your arguments and reduce the overall effectiveness of your essay.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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