IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

These days, people work in more than one job , and often change career several times during their life. What are the advantages and diadvantages of this ?

Nowadays, an increasing number of
people
Use synonyms
 can
work
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
multiple
jobs
Use synonyms
 and switch
careers
Use synonyms
 during
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 course of
life
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
work
Use synonyms
 phenomenon has its own advantages and disadvantages, which will be
further
Linking Words
 elaborated in the paragraphs below. Having more than one job could be an opportunity for
people
Use synonyms
 to earn more and do better financially.
As these
Correct word choice
These
show examples
 days
jobs
Use synonyms
 are becoming more flexible,
Use synonyms
people
Correct word choice
and people
show examples
 can
work
Use synonyms
 at the office and do freelance
project
Fix the agreement mistake
projects
show examples
 at the same
time
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 have an additional income and can better provide for their needs. With the flexibility of the
jobs
Use synonyms
 that we have right now,
people
Use synonyms
 not only can
work
Use synonyms
 multiple
jobs
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
 change
careers
Use synonyms
 during their
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 could
also
Linking Words
 be beneficial for
people
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because humans grow from
time
Use synonyms
 to
time
Use synonyms
 and change their
interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, changing
careers
Use synonyms
 could be a great opportunity for individuals to hone
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their new
interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
show examples
 and skills.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon can
also
Linking Words
 have its own disadvantages. Since
people
Use synonyms
 now
work
Use synonyms
 multiple
jobs
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
 could risk
people
Use synonyms
 to overextend themselves and fall into a cycle of burnout.
For example
Linking Words
, working on a corporate job itself already
took
Wrong verb form
takes
show examples
 physical and mental commitment, adding another
work
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as freelance projects means taking another commitment which can put a toll on the individual's physical and mental health. Another downside of
this
Linking Words
 is,
Linking Words
while
Correct word choice
that while
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 can switch
careers
Use synonyms
 several times during their
life
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
 could hinder someone from being a specialist
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 something and make
people
Use synonyms
 more of
generalist
Add an article
a generalist
the generalist
show examples
.
While
Linking Words
 it's not necessarily a bad thing, the world needs specialists to solve many important problems and to be a specialist, one must commit to a certain career path for a long period of
time
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, working on more than one job and switching
careers
Use synonyms
 multiple times in
life
Use synonyms
 has its own benefits and drawbacks. By doing these,
people
Use synonyms
 can have more income and realise their
interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
 on the other side, if not
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
careful enough,
people
Use synonyms
 can fall into a cycle of burnout and lack expertise in their
work
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To improve task response, ensure your essay directly addresses all parts of the prompt comprehensively. Expand on your ideas with specific examples and explanations to fully develop your response.
coherence cohesion
In terms of coherence and cohesion, strive for a strong logical flow throughout your essay. This can be achieved by enhancing the linkage between ideas with clear transition phrases, and ensuring each paragraph builds upon the one before it.
task achievement
Integrate more concrete examples and details within your points to support your arguments effectively. Examples add depth and clarity to your discussion, making your ideas more persuasive and engaging.
coherence cohesion
For the introduction and conclusion, ensure they are clearly defined and effectively encapsulate your main arguments. A strong introduction sets the stage for your discussion, while a compelling conclusion succinctly summarizes and reflects on the key points made.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • advantage
  • disadvantage
  • job
  • work
  • career
  • financial
  • security
  • skills
  • diversity
  • satisfaction
  • opportunity
  • networking
  • flexibility
  • hours
  • balance
  • environment
  • employer
  • stress
  • interest
  • passion
What to do next:
Look at other essays: