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Band 5

An increase in the production of consumer goods results in damage to the natural environment.Why is this the caseand what solutions are possible?

#production #consumer #goods #results #damage #environment #caseand
Nowadays consumer goods demand
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 drastically increasing,
as
Correct word choice
and as
show examples
 a result, it is
inversly
Correct your spelling
inversely
effects
Correct your spelling
affecting
show examples
 the environment.
This
 essay will delve into the possible causes and put forward some practical solutions to address
this
 issue. First and foremost, one of the major causes of the damage of
natural
Replace the word
nature
show examples
 is the overutilization of
natrual
Correct your spelling
natural
 resources for the
production
 of
cosumer
Correct your spelling
consumer
 goods. To exemplify, it is believed that one million trees are
Wrong verb form
cut
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cutting
Wrong verb form
cut
show examples
 every month for the
production
 of paper around the globe.
Besides
, with the
invent
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invention
show examples
 of information technology, usage of
low quality
Add a hyphen
low-quality
show examples
 electronic devices
are
Verb problem
has
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 increased,
as a result
,
immense
Correct article usage
an immense
show examples
 amount of e-waste
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 generated which is detrimental
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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nature.
Moreover
, private transport vehicle
production
 demand
at
Add a missing verb
is at
show examples
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
the
Change the word
its
show examples
 peak
due to
 the population surge,
as a result
, carbon
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emissions
show examples
emission
Fix the agreement mistake
emissions
show examples
on
Add a missing verb
are on
show examples
 the
increase
Replace the word
increasing
show examples
 more than ever before.
Nevertheless
,
although
 increasing
production
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
consumer products
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 detrimental
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the environment, there are some feasible
solution
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solutions
show examples
 to address
this
 issue to a great
extend
Replace the word
extent
show examples
.
Firstly
, promoting
paper less
Correct your spelling
paperless
show examples
 documents and books is a practical solution to save trees. To illustrate,
usage
Correct article usage
the usage
show examples
 of electronic invoices
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
significantly
decline
Correct subject-verb agreement
declines
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
paper consumption in many business organisations.
Secondly
, electronic
devices
Fix the agreement mistake
device
show examples
production
 should be controlled by the government by implementing strict regulations.
Long lasting
Add a hyphen
Long-lasting
show examples
 electronic products should be
promtoed
Correct your spelling
promoted
 and
low quality
Add a hyphen
low-quality
show examples
 e-devices should be banned. By doing
this
 e-waste can be significantly reduced. In conclusion, overutilization of natural resources for
production
Add an article
the production
show examples
 of consumer goods and e-waste can
be negatively
Change the verb form
negatively effect
show examples
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 the natural balance. Promotion of
long lasting
Add a hyphen
long-lasting
show examples
robustic
Correct your spelling
robust
 quality electronic devices would be a practical solution to address
this
 issue.
Submitted by ck.manshad on

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task achievement
To improve task response, ensure that you fully respond to all parts of the question. Your essay should clearly explain the reasons behind the environmental damage caused by increased production of consumer goods and propose specific, detailed solutions. While you have addressed both components, adding more detailed examples and elaborating on how each solution can effectively address the issue will enhance your score.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, focus on structuring your essay more clearly. Use a variety of linking words and phrases to connect ideas smoothly. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea, supported by relevant examples or explanations. Additionally, work on paragraphing, ensuring there is a clear distinction between your introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Introducing bullet points or numbered lists for solutions or causes could also enhance readability.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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