In many countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people think that the government has the responsibility to solve this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#countries #children #people #government #responsibility

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Nowadays, in many

countries

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countries,

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young

people

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are overconfident because many

children

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eating fast

food

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and

energy

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drinking at school or street every

day

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and

also

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

condition increasing

year

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year

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. I think that

the

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apply

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ourselves has the responsibility

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this

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for this

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issue.

Furthermore

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, many young

humans

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eating

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eat

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junk

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food

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each

day

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. So,

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this

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this child

these children

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children

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becoming unhealthy and

overconfidient

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overconfident

and

also

Linking Words

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government

Correct article usage

the government

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should

has

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have

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the to solve these issues. Because, if

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government

Correct article usage

the government

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forbide

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forbids

forbid

forbade

this

Linking Words

fast

food

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after some kids do not buy

junk

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food

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and

energy

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drink

Fix the agreement mistake

drinks

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Moreover

Linking Words

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government

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the government

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must sanction a lot of

event

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events

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also

Linking Words

many

people

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believe that

the

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apply

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society has

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apply

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the

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duty.

For instance

Linking Words

, if one child

energy

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drink

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drinks

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each

day

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As a result

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this

Linking Words

kid might be ill or unhealthy in the near future. From one perspective,many

children

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would consume

junk

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food

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and

this

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problem

extremely

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is extremely

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bad for some young

people

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In addition

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apply

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these

issues

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issues,

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ourselves to solve because many marketing

buy

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buys

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a lot of fast

food

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Besides

Linking Words

that,

children

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are becoming overweight

year

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year

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also

Linking Words

children

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think

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government

Add an article

the government

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must

has

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have

show examples

the to solve

this

Linking Words

problem but I think should

Fix the infinitive

apply

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resolve

this

Linking Words

issue.

For example

Linking Words

, I

am eating

Wrong verb form

eat

show examples

fast

food

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every month because my

sibling

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siblings

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Add a missing verb

are responsibility

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responsibility

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responsible

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Change preposition

for me

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. In my opinion, some young

humans

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need

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apply

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their sibling responsibility. In conclusion,most

humans

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eating

Wrong verb form

eat

show examples

junk

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food

Use synonyms

and

energy

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drink

Fix the agreement mistake

drinks

show examples

As a result

Linking Words

, many

people

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Wrong verb form

are

show examples

unhealthy and weight

day

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day

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. I think do not consume several meals

such

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

meals

junk

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food

Use synonyms

and fast

food

Use synonyms

Humans

Use synonyms

should themselves responsible

to solve

Change preposition

for solving

show examples

this

Linking Words

problem.

Submitted by soglomovsarvar on Tue Mar 26 2024

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structure

Focus on organizing your essay into clear paragraphs: introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph should address a single main idea or argument relating to the topic.

cohesion

Strengthen the coherence of your writing by using transitional phrases between sentences and paragraphs to make your ideas flow more smoothly.

support

Ensure each main point in your body paragraphs is supported by specific examples or data. This will make your arguments more convincing and relevant to the topic.

focus

Make sure your essay directly addresses the prompt. Clearly state your opinion on the responsibility of the government or individuals in solving the problem of childhood obesity in the introduction and throughout your essay.

clarity

Work on clarity and precision in your writing. Avoid vague statements and ensure your ideas are developed comprehensively. Consider your grammar and vocabulary choices to enhance your expression.

grammar and vocabulary

Proofread your essay to correct grammatical errors, awkward phrasing, and incorrect word choices. This will help to improve the overall quality of your writing.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
9
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
34
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

259 words

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In many countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people think that the government has the responsibility to solve this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

Some people seek a lot of advice from family and friends when choosing their career. Others feel it is better to choose a career more independently. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

High school athletes should not fall under the spell of harmful stereotypes. what is your opinion?

Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign languge can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Foreign visitors should pay more than local visitors for cultural and historical attractions. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Some people believe that it would be beneficial if employees worked three or four days per week rather than five or six days. Why is this? Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.