In many countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people think that the government has the responsibility to solve this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#countries #children #people #government #responsibility

Nowadays, in many

countries

Add a comma

countries,

show examples

young

people

are overconfident because many

children

eating fast

food

and

energy

drinking at school or street every

day

and

also

this

condition increasing

year

. I think that

the

Remove the article

apply

show examples

ourselves has the responsibility

this

Change preposition

for this

show examples

issue.

Furthermore

, many young

humans

eating

Wrong verb form

eat

show examples

junk

food

each

day

. So,

this

Change the determiner

this child

these children

show examples

children

becoming unhealthy and

overconfidient

Correct your spelling

overconfident

and

also

government

Correct article usage

the government

show examples

should

has

Change the verb form

have

show examples

the to solve these issues. Because, if

government

Correct article usage

the government

show examples

forbide

Correct your spelling

forbids

forbid

forbade

this

fast

food

after some kids do not buy

junk

food

and

energy

drink

Fix the agreement mistake

drinks

show examples

Moreover

government

Add an article

the government

show examples

must sanction a lot of

event

Change to a plural noun

events

show examples

also

many

people

believe that

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society has

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the

Correct article usage

show examples

duty.

For instance

, if one child

energy

drink

Change the verb form

drinks

show examples

each

day

As a result

this

kid might be ill or unhealthy in the near future. From one perspective,many

children

would consume

junk

food

and

this

problem

extremely

Add a missing verb

is extremely

show examples

bad for some young

people

In addition

Change preposition

apply

show examples

these

issues

Add a comma

issues,

show examples

ourselves to solve because many marketing

buy

Change the verb form

buys

show examples

a lot of fast

food

Besides

that,

children

are becoming overweight

year

also

children

think

government

Add an article

the government

show examples

must

has

Change the verb form

have

show examples

the to solve

this

problem but I think should

Fix the infinitive

apply

show examples

resolve

this

issue.

For example

, I

am eating

Wrong verb form

eat

show examples

fast

food

every month because my

sibling

Fix the agreement mistake

siblings

show examples

Add a missing verb

are responsibility

show examples

responsibility

Replace the word

responsible

show examples

Change preposition

for me

show examples

. In my opinion, some young

humans

need

Change preposition

apply

show examples

their sibling responsibility. In conclusion,most

humans

eating

Wrong verb form

eat

show examples

junk

food

and

energy

drink

Fix the agreement mistake

drinks

show examples

As a result

, many

people

Wrong verb form

are

show examples

unhealthy and weight

day

. I think do not consume several meals

such

this

meals

junk

food

and fast

food

Humans

should themselves responsible

to solve

Change preposition

for solving

show examples

this

problem.

Submitted by soglomovsarvar on Tue Mar 26 2024

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structure

Focus on organizing your essay into clear paragraphs: introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph should address a single main idea or argument relating to the topic.

cohesion

Strengthen the coherence of your writing by using transitional phrases between sentences and paragraphs to make your ideas flow more smoothly.

support

Ensure each main point in your body paragraphs is supported by specific examples or data. This will make your arguments more convincing and relevant to the topic.

focus

Make sure your essay directly addresses the prompt. Clearly state your opinion on the responsibility of the government or individuals in solving the problem of childhood obesity in the introduction and throughout your essay.

clarity

Work on clarity and precision in your writing. Avoid vague statements and ensure your ideas are developed comprehensively. Consider your grammar and vocabulary choices to enhance your expression.

grammar and vocabulary

Proofread your essay to correct grammatical errors, awkward phrasing, and incorrect word choices. This will help to improve the overall quality of your writing.

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
34Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

259 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In many countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people think that the government has the responsibility to solve this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Human activity has had a negative impact on plants and animals around the world. Some people think that this cannot be changed, while other believe actions can be taken to bring about a change. Discuss both and give your opinion

Some people think technology is now an invaluable study tool for young people. Others, however, believe that it is harmful to the studying process. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

"writing_prompt":"Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?",

. In modern times, children are spending less time with their families and more time with their friends. Why has this change occurred? Do you think parents should force their children to spend more time at home?